lundi, octobre 17, 2005
maybe that's just your way of dealing with the pain
Okay, okay, I'm starting to feel that I'm falling behind as a blogger. I'm not up here telling my stories so much these days. I was reading my archives this morning, the months of October and November from last year - I was in such a different place then. Going to school, being my own boss, feeling pretty damn alive. It was stressful, yeah. But oh-so-rewarding.
It's kinda felt like I've been going through a lot of transition since I got back to Calgary. The basement-living-law-firm-working life, then moving into a new place while work exploded. Mom's birthday bash, Kris and Tannis visiting, continuing to work at an unrealistic pace, Devin arriving, switching jobs, etcetera etcetera. A lot of change, and the sharing of my living space with someone who was basically a stranger to me all over again after our months apart.
The other thing is trying to know my audience. Since I have a lot more daily contact with certain family members and friends (and now, roommate) who are also my readers here, a person can sometimes feel over-exposed. A lot of my stories have already been told and I lose my ambition to get them published after telling them. And I have to say, real life is sometimes a lot less interesting than the student life I got to live last year. Unless I want to talk about work (which is often confidential) or the petty personal dramas from the office or my personal life, the things I actually spend my time doing are not so newsworthy.
I know I'll settle into my new job and things will be fine there, but this morning I was feeling pretty bummed about it. Coupled with the reading of my archives and remembering how it felt to go back to school, I got that urge again to go back. It's not that I want to avoid real life, but somebody once said you were supposed to find the thing that made you feel the most alive and find a way to make a living at it. More education couldn't hurt me. Why can't I just see where that path takes me?
Of course, I DO live in the real world - the one where I have thousands of dollars in student loan debt already. I used to jokingly ask whether I could issue debt securities like some of the companies that I've worked with, only instead of buying equipment, I would finance my education. People could buy Stacey bonds for $1,000 each and get re-imbursed at the maturity date in, say, ten years. I could be a good investment, you know...! Might be hard to find an underwriter for that deal, I suppose...
Plan B is the one where I resign myself to working for a while and getting back into a realistic financial position to do the school thing again. Not so much resignation that I wait for things to be just right, though. I proved to myself last year that I could get by on not very much money. Who needs STUFF, anyway? Time will continue to pass by whether I decide to take action or not. I gotta get my stories back. | ¶ 10:12 p.m.
It's kinda felt like I've been going through a lot of transition since I got back to Calgary. The basement-living-law-firm-working life, then moving into a new place while work exploded. Mom's birthday bash, Kris and Tannis visiting, continuing to work at an unrealistic pace, Devin arriving, switching jobs, etcetera etcetera. A lot of change, and the sharing of my living space with someone who was basically a stranger to me all over again after our months apart.
The other thing is trying to know my audience. Since I have a lot more daily contact with certain family members and friends (and now, roommate) who are also my readers here, a person can sometimes feel over-exposed. A lot of my stories have already been told and I lose my ambition to get them published after telling them. And I have to say, real life is sometimes a lot less interesting than the student life I got to live last year. Unless I want to talk about work (which is often confidential) or the petty personal dramas from the office or my personal life, the things I actually spend my time doing are not so newsworthy.
I know I'll settle into my new job and things will be fine there, but this morning I was feeling pretty bummed about it. Coupled with the reading of my archives and remembering how it felt to go back to school, I got that urge again to go back. It's not that I want to avoid real life, but somebody once said you were supposed to find the thing that made you feel the most alive and find a way to make a living at it. More education couldn't hurt me. Why can't I just see where that path takes me?
Of course, I DO live in the real world - the one where I have thousands of dollars in student loan debt already. I used to jokingly ask whether I could issue debt securities like some of the companies that I've worked with, only instead of buying equipment, I would finance my education. People could buy Stacey bonds for $1,000 each and get re-imbursed at the maturity date in, say, ten years. I could be a good investment, you know...! Might be hard to find an underwriter for that deal, I suppose...
Plan B is the one where I resign myself to working for a while and getting back into a realistic financial position to do the school thing again. Not so much resignation that I wait for things to be just right, though. I proved to myself last year that I could get by on not very much money. Who needs STUFF, anyway? Time will continue to pass by whether I decide to take action or not. I gotta get my stories back. | ¶ 10:12 p.m.
