mardi, novembre 01, 2005
in crash test blues I paid those dues
Serious disillusionment is what I'm feeling these days. This job just isn't going to cut it long-term. I remembered at lunch time Starbucks why I took this job, though. To slow down the pace of my life, earn a bit more money, and figure out what my next step is. It makes me cringe when somebody at work tells me that "in a year" I'll have a certain task mastered (i.e. our department budget - accruals and variances, etc). Although the status quo might realistically be unchanged for a while, I'm not really in a place where I like hearing that phrase.
I'm letting myself indulge in a few treats since I got my first paycheque at the new income bracket on Friday. Along with the previously mentioned super-soft Serasoft blanket (seriously, you need to feel it), I picked up some new books on the weekend. One of them is called "Conquering your Quarterlife Crisis", written by one of the authors who penned the original "Quarterlife Crisis: The Unique Challenges of Life in your Twenties".
I've probably been having a bit of a recurring quarterlife crisis on and off since I left university the first time. Where am I going, what am I doing, what do I want to do...? It's frustrating not knowing how to answer these questions. You'd think at thirty-one I'd be a bit closer to figuring this stuff out. I read some thought-provoking stuff in my book while sipping my maple macchiato, though. The section on "what if I don't know what my passion is" speaks right to me, because that's a big one. And some of the people sharing their stories confirmed that idea that I have that you must pay attention to what makes you feel most alive and figure out how to keep doing it.
It's hard for me to figure out what I love to do. I like simple things, like cozy blankets, playing poker, eating mashed potatoes with cheese, drinking good wine, feeling fit and strong. But what are my "hobbies", the things I like to DO...? I really don't have many obvious ones. Writing, sometimes, I suppose. Exercise. And keeping up with current political and world news. I don't do crafts. I don't create.
So I went back to school already. I graduated. And now I make more money, doing a slightly more complex version of a job that I did when the first time I left school and came to Calgary at 23 - assistant to the company's corporate counsel. Deja vu, man. This is hardly my passion. What I need to do is go BACK TO SCHOOL for a new major. That was my mistake, maybe - just finishing off the psychology thing instead of starting fresh down a new path. I chose the easiest upheaval. | ¶ 7:36 p.m.
I'm letting myself indulge in a few treats since I got my first paycheque at the new income bracket on Friday. Along with the previously mentioned super-soft Serasoft blanket (seriously, you need to feel it), I picked up some new books on the weekend. One of them is called "Conquering your Quarterlife Crisis", written by one of the authors who penned the original "Quarterlife Crisis: The Unique Challenges of Life in your Twenties".
I've probably been having a bit of a recurring quarterlife crisis on and off since I left university the first time. Where am I going, what am I doing, what do I want to do...? It's frustrating not knowing how to answer these questions. You'd think at thirty-one I'd be a bit closer to figuring this stuff out. I read some thought-provoking stuff in my book while sipping my maple macchiato, though. The section on "what if I don't know what my passion is" speaks right to me, because that's a big one. And some of the people sharing their stories confirmed that idea that I have that you must pay attention to what makes you feel most alive and figure out how to keep doing it.
It's hard for me to figure out what I love to do. I like simple things, like cozy blankets, playing poker, eating mashed potatoes with cheese, drinking good wine, feeling fit and strong. But what are my "hobbies", the things I like to DO...? I really don't have many obvious ones. Writing, sometimes, I suppose. Exercise. And keeping up with current political and world news. I don't do crafts. I don't create.
So I went back to school already. I graduated. And now I make more money, doing a slightly more complex version of a job that I did when the first time I left school and came to Calgary at 23 - assistant to the company's corporate counsel. Deja vu, man. This is hardly my passion. What I need to do is go BACK TO SCHOOL for a new major. That was my mistake, maybe - just finishing off the psychology thing instead of starting fresh down a new path. I chose the easiest upheaval. | ¶ 7:36 p.m.
