In the shocker of all shockers, Tom Cruise isn't the linguistic expert he claims to be. Despite telling everybody Suri means "princess" in Hebrew, Hebrew linguists have confirmed that it doesn't.

Suri has only two meanings - one is a person from Syria and the other "go away" when addressed to a female. Hebrew expert Jonathan Went says, "I think it's fair to say they have made a mistake here. There are variations of the way the Hebrew name for princess is spelt but I have never seen it this way." Suri can also be translated into a Hindi boy's name, and it also means "pointy nose" in some Indian dialects and "pickpocket" in Japanese.

The crazy bastard named his daughter "pointy nosed pickpocket." I take back whatever I said about Tom Cruise, because only a genius of maniacal proportions could come up with that. I just wonder how he's gonna top it. He's gonna have to name his next kid "degenerate puppy killer" or something.

| ¶ 5:33 p.m.