I'm gonna do some things you wouldn't let me do I know you're all wondering where the hell I am and what I've been doing and why there has been a serious lack of updates around here (besides the lack of reliable internet chez moi).

I needed a break. Things weren't going so well in my own head, as I mentioned in a post a few weeks back. My shaken sense of confidence and identity meant I needed some quiet time away from the situations and people in the world I escaped from. The thing about blogging is that you have this audience that you're all too aware of. My friends, my exes, my former co-workers, and more significantly, my family. Things around here don't get very personal - neither about me nor about the people in my life. I don't vent when somebody close to me pisses me off ('cause that would be juvenile). Hell, I can't even voice opinions about the people who provoke me who don't EVEN read the site without creating some kind of controversy (see exhibit A). So the picture you're getting is actually pretty limited and only touches the surface of things.

Before I left Calgary I was feeling stressed out in a big way. All the chaos of moving, the prospect of moving to a brand new city and attending a brand new school with a bazillion faces I wouldn't know, all combined with the pressure of learning to drive the standard (which I never actually did) - when it really hit me what I was taking on, I was mostly struck with "what the hell am I doing and why?" I kinda didn't need any more pressure, but it felt like some of the people closest to me seemed to think my situation was worthy of ridicule somehow. When you're feeling aimless and vulnerable, this does not help anything. I was losing it and there wasn't really anybody who recognized or understood this.

Hence the disengagement from the public. Let me flounder and be ridiculous in some kind of privacy for a while and once I'm re-combobulated, I'll get back in the swing of things. I never said I was cool.  | ¶ 1:43 p.m.