can't imagine what I'd have to say In my boredom-management efforts, the internet is a key tool. I surf, I chat, I email. Through my computer monitor, I grasp at the life that's happening out there to try and feel some of the energy and enthusiasm from a bustling world that I am not a part of. Coincidentally, yesterday we received in our office mailboxes a "Quick Reference Guide" to our company's IT policy, which includes things like, "do not use web email, do not use internet chat, do not use internet (or telephone!?) for person use". Eep. And whatever.

Since they are pretty tight on internet security here, I can't install a chat program and must resort to using web-based versions of such software. For the record, MSN web messenger blows. Messages get clogged up and come either all in a rush, or sometimes not at all. Persuade and I gave up on that and have recently switched over to Google Talk. It works right from the Gmail page and has proven to be much more reliable. There's your IT heads-up for today.  | ¶ 12:22 p.m.

  my head is a box full of nothing and that's the way I like it Friday I got my last two tax receipts in the mail so I filed my income tax return online. Cutetax determined that I will be getting a reasonable refund (being a student for four months helped), so yesterday, to demonstrate my commitment to our society of consumption, I decided to spend a little bit of that refund before I even have it. Probably not the best financial habit to get into, but since I rarely shop or spend significant money on myself, I just went for it.

Hitting Lululemon is always a good way to help lighten the load in one's wallet. They have the most comfortable and stylish workout gear, but it's almost offensive how much they charge for it. I got myself some new cropped pants for yoga, pilates and running. They're super-comfortable - and cost me eighty-four dollars, so they damn well better be comfy. I also got a tank top suitable for my various workout routines.

Devin and I had reached the mall in the morning while it was still early so I was able to get all my spending out of the way before the massive crowds started pouring in. This city is madness on the weekends if your plan includes visiting any retail establishments. I usually can't bear it, so I avoid shopping for the most part. When you never shop, though, you end up "needing" just about everything. This trip I settled for a pair of jeans, a sweater and four t-shirts (along with the aforementioned Lululemon stash). If all goes according to plan, it will be soon enough that I won't have the luxury of outings like this.  | ¶ 8:48 p.m.

  after the flood all the colours came out

Yesterday we gathered at the compound to celebrate Kyle's birthday. We had barbecued burgers (what else!) on a day where Calgary probably had the greatest snowfall of the year. In Calgary that's not a lot, but it was still probably ten centimetres or more. Kyle made his birthday wish - I like this action shot I caught of him blowing out his candles - then he screamed like a girl while opening his presents until Keri tapped him on the head with one of those presents (a soccer cleat). The scream was seriously a piercing shriek that kinda hurt my ears. Good call on the cleat-smack.  | ¶ 4:01 p.m.

  every dream that had been shattered disappears without a trace He's got no use for Maritimers, he tells my freshman cousin, who's attending UBC on a golf scholarship.

Jackass.  | ¶ 7:07 p.m.

  first, when there's nothing but a slow glowing dream Happy Birthday, mister Kyle!
  | ¶ 12:44 p.m.

  and in the pulse there lies conviction I was looking through some old pictures last night and I found this one. I don't know if the industrious boys still do it, but our first week at Bishop's there were older students wandering around targetting the fresh-faced froshies and their parents with their t-shirt creations. I kinda wish I still had this one. Check out those sexy bangs, too, eh.

This picture was taken on the train that we used to take back and forth from Sherbrooke to Moncton back then (this would be approximately 1992 to 1996). Via doesn't run trains on this particular route anymore (the Maritime kids have to trek to Drummondville to catch the train heading East). But the other night when Gina, Jamie, Devin and I went out for drinks, Devin "revealed" to me that the current bus station in Sherbrooke used to be a train station. He forgot that my "seniority" means that I may have lived through certain historical events in that area. Heh.

I actually have this awful memory of froo and I lugging our heavy, over-stuffed suitcases from the nearest bus stop down that street to the train station one year on our way home for Christmas. We were practically dragging them because they were way too heavy. We have always been over-packers.  | ¶ 10:42 p.m.

  the only way to beat it is to bat it down I was watching Oprah yesterday and she did an episode called "The Katrina Stories Nobody is Telling". It's still a brutal disaster area down there in Louisiana and Mississippi - most places don't even have ongoing clean-up and it looks pretty much like a storm washed through just yesterday. People are living in tents, or being threatened with eviction from their FEMA-paid motel rooms, yet they have nowhere to go. They showed shots of hundreds of empty FEMA trailers that are not even being made available to those most desperate for housing. You really gotta wonder things get this bad - a federal government whose priorities are clearly not the well-being of its own citizens.

I haven't talked much about Shrub lately but I wanted to point out a certain other situation playing out down there in the good old US of A. Something about a plan to outsource U.S. port security (New York, New Jersey, Philadelphia, Baltimore, New Orleans and Miami) to a company based in the United Arab Emirates...There's a little matter of the UAE not recognizing the right of Israel to exist, and perhaps being a little friendlier toward terrorist-type groups than a nation would want its allies to be. I thought we were down on nations like that - the Palestinians don't get awarded any contracts for their denial of Israel. And now George's own Congress is leaning towards voting against this plan. George only found out about the deal after it was signed, but he's on board apparently. What has Georgie decided to do? He threatens to veto. As pointed out over at DailyKos, Bush has never resorted to using a veto, but this is important enough for him to contemplate it...?

"How NOT to run a country", by George W. Bush. We need an Extreme Makeover at the White House, including some new tenants.  | ¶ 11:59 a.m.

  she figures she'll know where she is when she's there I haven't heard from Carleton yet regarding my application, so I checked their handy website to check my status and they had the following information:

Doesn't sound bad, eh? I think this is reasonably positive...

Recently somebody told me that going back to school was an attempt to "avoid reality". I really disagree with that sentiment. If I'd never left school in the first place, you might be able to make that argument. But even then, maybe not. There are plenty of people who become "professional students" simply because they love that life. They can't see the appeal of "reality" and choose to continue bettering themselves through education. Unfortunately, our society is based on the drive to earn more money and consume more stuff. Obviously as a non-wage-earning student you don't contribute as much to that capitalist cycle, but it doesn't mean you are "avoiding" reality. I've done this so-called reality, thank you very much, and it doesn't meet my needs. Maybe reality is avoiding ME, and maybe reality needs to conform to my expectations a little better.

Isn't it possible that the academics are the ones who have it figured out? They've seen reality for what it is and they defer participation in it. They look at all the suckers suffering under the misdguided notion that you can never have enough money and wonder why anybody would choose that kind of stress. Because you know what it all means to fully participate in the mass-consumption world; it never ends - there is always something new to buy, something better to covet. Why the rush to become a slave to that mentality? Also, why doesn't that thought go the other way - why don't we say that it's the people who can't handle the challenge of academia, or some other non-money-driven pursuit, who are forced to participate in consumerism, because that's what they resort to in order to feel better about their lives...?

Of course, I have an ongoing debate with myself about whether my mindset is a form of denial. It's easy to just say you don't want nice fancy stuff when you can't afford it anyway. Sure, it would be nice to drive a really sleek car with a kick-ass stereo, but there's nothing wrong with my Festiva these days (other than the deafening silence thanks to that new muffler and lack of radio). But where did I get that idea that this type of luxury is my right? It's not, and I don't expect or need it. I just want to wake up every day feeling motivated by what my day holds for me. And preferably to feel that I am working towards a meaningful personal goal.

At this point I can't get behind any kind of company loyalty; sure, it's nice to have a salary and benefits, but I can't rationalize the overall reason for my efforts. What, truly, are the things that give me enjoyment? We had a spectacular sensory experience the other day cross-country skiing at world-class facilities and do you know what it cost us? $8.50 for a park pass and $15.00 for the skis. Less than twenty-five dollars each. Of course, it helps to have a vehicle, but all in all, not an expensive outlay for the pure enjoyment of plain old nature.

That's my kind of reality.  | ¶ 4:08 p.m.

  well as long as my name don't change Three pop-up videos from skiing today (click images to start videos):

The silly smile one (6MB):



The action sequence (3MB):



The one where I appear to fall at the end (I don't)(9MB):

  | ¶ 11:25 p.m.

  you feel it in the heartbeat of the day
Check out these champion skiers.

We figured since all the Olympic athletes are over there in Torino fighting for medals and all that, we'd take advantage of their top-notch facilities out there in Canmore at the Nordic Centre. Devin, froo and I bundled up, rented skis, and spent a couple hours navigating the nicely-groomed cross-country trails behind the town of Canmore. It was fun, but exhausting, and at times scary. I'm kind of a scaredy-cat with any kind of downhill sections, so it took all my concentration and some expert snowplowing not to fall down. We all fell a couple times, but it was still fun. What a workout on the arms, though!

The Nordic Centre is a beautiful facility, and although there seemed to be a lot of people there, the trails weren't crowded at all. And even though I felt pretty klutzy and un-fashionable, there were really all levels of skiers there, in various modes of dress. You can see my slideshow of pics here, and I'll update you when froo gets hers posted.  | ¶ 9:23 p.m.

  the lovetrain rides from coast to coast
For Valentine's Day this week we had a family dinner over at the compound. The kids went crazy eating Hershey kisses and any other form of chocolate they could get their hands on. Gram enabled the chocolate-mongering by serving yummy chocolate fondue for dessert. Check out this video of Ella navigating her first fondue. Pretty funny.

Caia likes to do crafts and initiate games, so she got busy cutting out names to put in a cup. We all had to draw a name and tell that person "I love you". I got my own name, so it was an easy chore. Heh.  | ¶ 11:28 a.m.

  you're the daydream in the corner of my mind I don't know about you all, but I was stunned to hear the rumours about Tom and Katie splitting up. Maybe the free Katie campaign is working...
It'll be interesting to see if Tom feels the need to sue. He's big on that.  | ¶ 10:18 p.m.

  will you come when I need you
Happy Valentine's Day  | ¶ 12:39 p.m.

  ouch I have lost myself again Some magazine here in Calgary has decided to publish the bad cartoons. You know the ones. And so I was just watching the local news where they had the editor of the magazine (Ezra Levant) and a Muslim "Imam" (w/e that is) discussing their positions. The more I hear about this issue, the more I come down on the side of the Muslims. Especially with that smug jackass of an editor I just saw - he was seriously like a child with his, "I'm going to do this BECAUSE NOBODY CAN STOP ME" or something. I couldn't quite figure out why he was feeling so good about himself. The Imam dude was restrained and well-spoken and made the point that this same magazine had opted not to publish pictures of Jesus in the past because they "might offend" Christians. And the editor-dude had the nerve to mention something about "newcomers" to Canada needing to respect the values of Canada. Blah blah. Is he saying that all Muslims are new in town, because I seriously don't think that's the case. It's offensive to their religion, regardless of where they live or how long they've been there. And you're going out of your way to aggravate things.

Ezra thinks he sets the "Western Standard", but I seriously disagree. "Media Runs Scared", he says. Ooh, big brave man.  | ¶ 8:33 p.m.

  what else can a poor boy do Oops!

Cheney Accidentally Shoots Fellow Hunter: Stories here and here.  | ¶ 4:47 p.m.

  I've seen you walk unafraid Last night I finally played poker at a real casino against real people. And I didn't lose my shirt! Things actually didn't start out so well, but I was determined to fight back and I came out victorious.

These were my partners in crime. Now, Pammy and Roz are casino regulars, so I was a little out of my element down there at the Elbow River Casino for a while. And Pammy kept announcing that I was a "casino virgin", so that drew some not-necessarily-wanted attention my way.

We signed up to play poker at the $4-$8 tables (a ninety minute wait!), then ventured over to the roulette table to kill some time. All this time I'm kinda in shell shock, taking in the bazillion flashing and beeping slot machines, observing the crowds at the Blackjack tables, trying to see what all the fuss at the craps table is all about. I wasn't really interested in trying roulette, so while Roz cleaned up with Pammy at her side (not so much cleaning up), I strolled over to observe the craps game that was receiving so much attention. After I bit I wound up wandering down a hall where I could hear live music beckoning. Donald Ray Johnson was singing and it was quite the performance. Live jazz music is about as good as it gets, I think.

(you're not supposed to take pictures at the casino. Shh!)

Then it was time to play poker. I bought sixty dollars worth of chips to start, and proceeded to lose it all in what seemed like no time. Still trying to settle in and feel comfortable at these busy and intimidating 10-man tables, I decided a quick walk to clear my head and a trip to the bank machine was in order. I took a chance and withdrew one hundred dollars, knowing I had to win back my money, and knowing I was more than capable of doing so. I might be a casino virgin, but I'm not new to the game of poker...!

I put my name down on the waiting list again and was seated at a new table. The boys around me were sporting rings from St. FX, so I instantly bonded with them when I said "hello, fellow Maritimers". My first round was another losing one - forty dollars this time. I bought back in, my last sixty, and the last I was willing to gamble. I started playing really conservatively, knowing I had to get some good cards eventually. I won one pot, raked in a nice pile. Then the big one.

I was dealt Ace-Seven suited. The flop was Ten-Jack-King. I forget the suits, but it was enough to make me hang on. The Turn was another Seven. I stayed in. Then the mighty River: a Queen. I was golden. So I bet again. And several other people must have thought theirs were good hands, because many of them called the bet. Heheh, winner: Stacey...!

As I calmly rake in my impressive stack of chips, working really hard to appear as casual as possible while I pile them in my chip tray, I whisper to Chris next to me, "On the inside I'm doing cartwheels right now". He nods and says, "I know what you mean; earlier I was doing naked backflips on the kitchen table".

I cashed out with $220. I'm so hooked. Anyone wanna go to the casino?  | ¶ 1:56 a.m.

  is there a way I can find you At work today they were circulating a sympathy card for a woman who recently lost a brother to liver failure. I've talked to this lady a few times and cooked with her at our team-building lesson back in December, so I thought I should sign the card. But I opened it and read what others had written and was completely at a loss as to what to say. What do you say?

Being the super-resourceful internet dork that I am, I quickly Googled "sympathy card sentiments", and stumbled upon the Amazon page for a book that a woman wrote for precisely this purpose. It's called My Deepest Sympathies and with Amazon's handy "search inside" feature, I was able to read the first few pages and it helped a lot. It was terribly useful to have a resource like this, because she made some good points that I wouldn't necessarily have thought of.

Most of us cringe at the thought of mentioning "death" or "died" in a note. The words remind us of what we don't want to be reminded of, and we fear they will upset the bereaved. Most people turn to euphemisms like "passed away" or "the loss of your father". But there's no getting away from it; the person died. The mourner is upset. I consciously use the word "death" in my own notes because it's direct and appropriate.

Another point she makes is to mention the deceased. I had intended to write something like "my thoughts are with you", but I noticed that just about everybody else had said precisely that. So I went with, "I'm sorry to hear about your brother", and I hope that covers it. Tricky business, man.  | ¶ 9:48 p.m.

  she said you're gonna miss me, wait and you'll see I ventured out to a mall on Saturday after the Nellie's breakfast. I've said it before, but let me reiterate: I detest shopping. And the mall I went to, Chinook Centre, is one of my least favourite places in Calgary. It does have a lot of good stores to choose from but it's always madness there, and that's the part I can't tolerate for long.

Before I tired of the shopping crowds, though, I made a discovery that I'm pretty delighted with. I wandered into Fruits & Passion, a store that always smells good but I'd never really explored. They carry a line of products called "Solstis" that I instantly loved. It smells like the beach! A bit like the subtle scent of fading sunscreen...light, fresh, not too fruity. So I bought myself a little bottle of body spray and I get to smell like the beach every day.

Funny sidenote to this story: when I was showing my purchase to Devin, he said, "..that doesn't smell like the beach that I know; the beach smells like dead fish!" Obviously he did NOT grow up near an ocean...

I don't smell like dead fish.  | ¶ 2:01 p.m.

  did I ask too much, more than a lot
froo and I went out to Nellie's for breakfast on Saturday. That's one of my favourite weekend activities - you just gotta get there before the crowds all climb out of bed, 'cause Nellie makes a kick-ass breakfast. Mushroom, bacon and spinach omelette for me.

If froo looks scintillating it's because she really is, people. Everyone says so.  | ¶ 4:22 p.m.

  hit the ground, babe
hit the ground, and run Today my picture appears in the Calgary Sun. I would link to the actual article, but the piece is one of those gay man-on-the-street queries that I don't think they pick up for web publishing. I think I know why. If you have a chance, look for me and my brilliant, brilliant quote on page six.  | ¶ 3:19 p.m.

  in your eyes I read such strange things Picky? Not me.

TV writers lampoon our impossible standards. On "Sex and the City," Charlotte once broke up with a guy because she didn't like his taste in china. On his show, Jerry Seinfeld torpedoed a relationship because a woman had "man hands."

froo sent me the link. Good article.  | ¶ 3:49 p.m.

  I'm gonna ride this pain like a wave It's been a while since I recommended a new artist, so I'm going to share my latest discovery with you now. Lizz Wright is a jazz singer whose album "Dreaming Wide Awake" is my new favourite. It's mellow and pretty - if I were in school this would be my study music. From the Amazon review:

Lizz Wright’s sophomore release, Dreaming Wide Awake is a gorgeous, floating atmospheric journey. Her deep, rich alto, matched by a similarly incredible depth of emotion, makes for a beautiful, timeless record.

I agree.  | ¶ 1:47 p.m.

  don't tell me to stop Sometimes I do something dumb and wait until late in the day to drink my first cup of coffee. Yesterday, since I napped in the afternoon to recover from my morning run, I didn't have coffee until 5:30 or so. And what does that mean? Oh, just that I was wide awake tossing and turning until sometime after 3 this morning. Today feels like a continuation of yesterday with only three hours of sleep in me.

Grey's Anatomy was SO good last night. "To be continued", though...! I wonder if the bomb will explode and Meredith dies... hmm...  | ¶ 11:10 a.m.

  tell me everything I'm not When your cat is trained to yawn on cue:



Watch out for Salsa; she's fierce! (As she snuggles up in the laundry basket of warm clothes...)  | ¶ 1:44 a.m.

  I try to recall the bliss of a glorious day I'm getting back into my running. With all this warm weather and lack of snow, it's been the perfect time to try jogging again. So I went for the first time last weekend, and it hurt. I went again this morning and I'm expecting to be sore for a couple days. When I woke up this morning I was already feeling my achy muscles from my extended pilates workout yesterday. It's fight-the-flab time around here. Today I ran 3.5 kilometres. The people at Google maps have created a way to measure your distances at their "pedometer" site. It's nifty. This was my route today:


I did not shop today. I napped instead.  | ¶ 10:01 p.m.

  it's not a moment that's frozen in time I wonder if the malls will be nice and dead this afternoon with all the people busy watching the big f-ball game. I seriously couldn't be less interested in the game, but I could use some mall time without the hordes of typical weekend shoppers.  | ¶ 2:21 p.m.

  you can't hold a good woman down There was a really interesting Canadian show on CTV tonight - "The Next Great Prime Minister". Five young Canadians (university students) got the opportunity to present and defend their ideas for Canada to a live audience and a jury consisting of four former Canadian prime ministers. The show was hosted by Seamus O'Reagan from Canada AM and the whole thing was really well done. It reminded me of my own passion for good political debate. I can't wait to get back to school.

As part of my escape / back-up plan, today I also completed my passport application online at the Passport Canada website. I love it when processes that could be rather archaic seem to have moved into the technology age a bit. I mean, I still have to physically print forms, get photos taken and drop off these and proof of identity to an appropriate Canadian government services facility, but so far things have seemed easy enough.

One of these things (school or travel) must happen soon. I sometimes wonder if I could handle packing up and going to Europe alone to explore and learn. Somebody once told me that travelling alone would be the best test for me, and I think he was right.

They say you're supposed to do one thing that scares you every day. My life isn't very scary these days; what scares me is how bored I am.  | ¶ 12:56 a.m.

  I still wish you'd fought me til your dying day Well, it's a big day. Fred's in the shop today. I'll finally get to drive a vehicle that doesn't hurt my ears with its loud rumbling and doesn't hurt my lungs with the nasty fumes. Catalytic converter: check. Muffler: check. All for the bargain price of $675. There goes my Ralphbucks.  | ¶ 1:14 p.m.

  I wake up feeling like my life's worth living Work has been a bit hectic this week - "hectic", that is, by the standards I've grown accustomed to at my company. Once a quarter we have board and committee meetings, and since my boss is the corporate secretary, it's his, and therefore my, job to coordinate stuff like meeting materials, logistics, catering, and any emergencies or last-minute requests that come up.

It's currently earnings season in the business community, so even though it is only our audit committee meeting tomorrow, the board members have to approve the year-end financials, and that means a lot of craziness is involved in the preparations. The financial statements never seem to be quite finalized, and the media release is constantly being tweaked. Even at five o'clock tonight we were sending out revised materials to board members, some of whom are already settled into their hotel rooms (here and around the globe) and nowhere near having access to their email. Yeesh.

One thing I'm not looking forward to is the early morning for me tomorrow. The caterer had competing delivery requests and had to make our drop-off time 7:45, so I'm going to be getting to work almost an hour earlier than usual. Love the mornings, yes I do. The other part of this stuff I'm not so excited about is playing hostess or server to the meeting participants. Brewing coffee and setting out juices isn't really my area of comfort. I'm really hoping the president's assistant is there early, too, and I can rely on her expertise in these matters. I'm more comfortable in front of a computer than dispensing beverages, don't you know.

We go through the whole thing again in a couple weeks when the governance committee meeting and proper board meeting occur. I'll probably have to order a full lunch for the dudes that day. Eep.  | ¶ 12:27 a.m.

  from the top of the first page We made it! It's f.e.b.r.u.a.r.y., and you know what that means. The year 2006 is gonna be smooth sailing from here. Time to stop wallowing in the post-holiday, mid-winter slump, and get active with some exercise and plans for the year. Good-bye lawsuits (right, Pammy?), good-bye extra pounds, good-bye lethargy, good-bye depression. Hello fitness, hello pep, hello enthusiasm, hello possibility.

Okay, before I get carried away with all the gayness, here is the first plan for the coming months. At least, it's the first planned adventure. I reserve the right to have unplanned and unannounced adventures prior to this one.

Come one, come all, to Vancouver for the Third Annual West Coast Clam Bake celebrating the birthday of froo and me. It's the "third" annual even though I was in L'ville last year. froo went without me and celebrated with Kris and Tannis and Andrew (he's our step-bro). The event shall be held between March 30 and April 2, and shall consist of random unplanned side-adventures in addition to the obvious partaking of beers and wines. Further particulars to follow as we iron out the details. Kris and Tannis, consider this your advance warning; please make plans to entertain us (heh).  | ¶ 5:33 p.m.