I’m coming out of my cage Racism in China? I did not know.

As for Asians like me, who look Chinese but don't speak fluently, the locals view us as their hillbilly cousins. Some downright chastise me for not speaking Chinese. I've given up and barely offer up my old answer: "But I'm not Chinese…"

Story.  | ¶ 12:24 p.m.

  let me take some of the punches for you tonight

Copyright holders seem determined to shut down the buzz that builds stars. They want file-sharing technology to go away, refusing to recognize that the Internet itself could be defined as a file-sharing network. The Recording Industry of America has helped raid stores selling the mix tapes that build reputations in hip-hop, made from material supplied by the acts themselves. It sends cease-and-desist letters to fan blogs posting too many songs or lyrics and proselytizing for the music they love. Yet meanwhile, its member companies pay hundreds of thousands of dollars to promote a song into a radio hit or to make a video clip destined for MTV, where people can listen and watch free.

I thought this was a fantastic article. Read it here at The Court Has Ruled So Enter the Geeks. This is a login site (although free), so if you want to read and not register, use the login "stopbug" with the password "bugmac" (courtesy of bugmenot).  | ¶ 7:56 p.m.

  he said bring on the brand new renaissance I accepted a job at the law firm where I'm working today. They offered to meet the compensation I was offered for the position I turned down last week. So starting July 1, I'm on payroll as a legal secretary once again. In keeping with my practice of working overtime on my first day (or, day of acceptance in this case), I worked a long ten-hour day today. Stacey and Boss are filing a prospectus (for an IPO) tomorrow and have another private placement closing on Thursday. There's a lot of documents to finalize. And if I'm going to be a permanent employee, I may as well dive in. At least Stacey is fun to work with.

When I started working and getting regular paycheques, I mostly used my money for paying down my Visa and other bills. But I also invested in a few running accessories. I got new running shoes, two knee braces (I feel like a dork, but my knees are bad from those years of playing basketball --> these help), shorts, and even new socks. Top all that off with my fancy shirts from Mountain Equipment Co-op (grad presents from Keri and Gina), and I'm all decked out in new gear.

This week I created a new route for myself to run. On Sunday after I tried it out (took me about twenty minutes), I got in Fred and drove it to measure the distance covered. It was 3.5 kilometres. I'm pleased with that distance and pace for now, so today after my marathon workday I went out and ran it again. I'm on some kind of fitness kick 'cause yesterday I also did some pilates. My abs are feeling it today, but it's good.

With my new job security comes the potential for getting out of the basement (i.e. free rent) and getting my own place. So I'm aiming for August 1. The more I think about it the more excited I am to unpack my life... My Calgary stuff has been stored in Keri's basement since last September, and my L'ville stuff (what I don't use or didn't get rid of) is stored in my mom's basement. It will be so sweet to get my DOUBLE BED back from froo's place and start using all my own stuff every day. It really is the little things, people...  | ¶ 10:51 p.m.

  who's gonna talk to me til the sun comes up I recently introduced Gina to the wonders of music downloading (still legal here in Canada). Kyle (he's eight) is loving it; he sits in front of the computer playing his songs and singing along. Keri's even making requests for me to put on my iPod for his runs. He didn't used to listen to music when he ran but he's trying it out; when you're running for close to two hours the tunes kinda help (since I only run 20-30 minutes so far I'll take his word for it; the tunes help me, too).

I'd seen Mariah on Oprah one day a while back singing her new song, but kinda forgot about it for a bit. Last night I downloaded it (to Keri and Gina's computer; mine's still inactive due to my homeless status) and quickly uploaded it to my iPod. It's really quite good ("we belong together", don't you know).

I'm feeling all out of my element
I'm throwing things
Crying, trying to figure out
Where the hell I went wrong  | ¶ 3:07 p.m.

  what if it all means something So the U.S. Supreme Court today ruled that software companies are responsible for what users do with that software - specifically in the realm of file sharing. This is crazy! Apparently the lower courts had all gone the other way basing their argument on a precedent involving VCRs from 1984.

"In that case, the Supreme Court said that the majority of people using a video recorder for legal uses outweighed any illegal use of the technology.

I'm reading viewer comments on the BBC website and thought these were good points:

Should companies who make kitchen knives be responsible if people stab one another with them?

Are we going to start suing the major motor manufacturers for all the citizens killed by their automobiles?

Does this mean eBay is responsible for any stolen merchandise sold through eBay auctions? What's the difference?

If someone gets killed using a gun made by Smith and Wesson does the manufacturer get prosecuted?

It does set an interesting precedent. Scary for software companies.  | ¶ 6:03 p.m.

  you're the secret I keep We went out Friday night to celebrate Gina's birthday. Gram and Gramps were recruited to babysit the three kids, Keri made a reservation at the Keg, we picked up froo, and hit the town. Dinner was excellent and pricey. We shared a bottle of wine, ordered appetizers and entrees (froo and I split the steak & lobster combo), ordered fancy coffees.

Since having three young children means you don't get out for "grown-up" activities very often, we were intent on showing Gina a good time with a glimpse of the Calgary bar scene. After dinner, we hit 17th Avenue and did our own "pub crawl" from Ming to Lucky, two very trendy spots. It was the night before "Super Soccer Saturday" (the kids' soccer season ender), though, so the party didn't go too late.

Here are me, Gina and froo at Lucky.


For those who don't read my comments and missed the link that froo posted, there's an entire slideshow of our night here.  | ¶ 11:22 p.m.

  Geee-nah Happy Birthday, sister-in-law!
  | ¶ 5:48 p.m.

  it would be great to be so strong I filed my first press release today. At least, I think it was my first press release - I can't remember having done one before. Involved is that is editing the document, PDFing it, emailing it to CCN Matthews, who releases it on the wire (that's some fancy lingo for ya - I have no idea what it means except that they *get it out there*), and emailing it to our trust agent who files it on SEDAR for us. I don't see my release on SEDAR yet (they have a fairly archaic and un-intuitive filing system and things don't appear right away, I think), but I found it in the business news over at Yahoo. Read the exciting details here. Yes, those are the types of transactions we work on. Rivetting, huh?

Ah, a day in the life of a securities assistant. Too stressful today, man. I work for Stacey, who is nice and young and smart. But since she's still a fairly junior lawyer, she works a lot with an older dude (I'll call him "Boss") who is not nice or young or smart. I mean, he knows the law, but he doesn't know much about how to treat people. I'm not going to go into detail - gotta avoid getting dooced - but that's the general state of affairs.

Lately Boss's assistant has been out sick a bunch (hmm). That means he comes to me to help him out with his administrative needs. And they are many. It's terribly inefficient and unpleasant to try and keep him organized and up-to-date. This week, though, Stacey and Boss have numerous important deals with key events happening. A major closing, a fairly major prospectus filing, a second major prospectus filing. Today was way, WAY too hectic for me.

I remember this life. It is exactly as I left it last August.  | ¶ 11:29 p.m.

  I don't wanna run feeling this way Yesterday I jogged. It had been 9 days since my last run, so my routine was kinda broken. I had to ease back to a fifteen-minute run. I think part of my problem is that as I get in better shape, I increase my pace instead of my distance covered. It was hot yesterday, too. The sun has come out to dry up all the rain after our weekend flooding.

I did receive some lovely graduation presents last week. Devin sent me a nice Bishop's frame for my degree. The diploma arrived yesterday, so I already put it in the frame; I really did graduate, people - I can prove it! My dad and step-mom sent me a lovely necklace with an amethyst pendant (school colour). Keri and Gina and the kids gave me some new running gear (I'm a runner now, you know). And we all got together for a nice family & friends barbeque on Monday. Dalt cooked up some superb steaks and we had a nice little party. That was fun.

Today I turned down a job offer. It was a solid offer in a national company with good learning potential. But something about it just didn't feel right and I couldn't convince myself that the upside outweighed the downside. Maybe it's dumb, but I'm just not ready to commit when I'm unsure. The law firm I'm temping at is willing to hire me on and will offer a comparable compensation package, so I do have options.

I was thinking of an analogy to a relationship with this job offer thing. I kinda think more jobs should be temp-to-perm. Everybody can try everybody else out and there's no commitment. Because as it was with this other position, I felt like I'd only had one or two dates with them and they were already asking me to move in...! In my current role, each of us is free to walk away at any point and there's no hard feelings and no real ties to cut. But I've been here over a month and we all seem to get along okay, so we're talking about "taking it to the next level" with a permanent position. Who knows, eh.  | ¶ 1:40 p.m.

  anything that systematic would get you hated My friend Pammy quit her job and now her ex-bosses are suing her. What would you do if you were served with court papers saying you were being sued for several hundred thousand dollars? She's freaking out, and rightfully so. The upside is that the case is baseless. How many people sign exclusivity contracts with their travel agents?

It's difficult to comprehend something like this. Everybody who knows Pammy knows that she is a genuine and generous and honest person with not a mean bone in her body (to use a lame cliche). This case is downright malicious.

Anyway, please send her your good thoughts and vibes. She needs all the positive energy she can get.  | ¶ 6:11 p.m.

  be my island in crowds of faces, my oasis Fred's excited. I dropped him off at the garage to have a new right tie rod installed (attached?) [I'm such a girl]. And he's having an alignment done. Now the front wheels will actually steer the car efficiently...! Dee-lightful.

That should set me back close to $300. Eep. After that it's rear brakes. Apparently they're in pretty rough shape, too. No new wardrobe for me - it's all going into car maintenance. But really, I haven't spent a lot of money on my car over the 5 or 6 years that I've had it, so I'm about due, and don't mind terribly. I just don't want to get ripped off, so I gotta kinda take advice from various friends and family members (usually the males, naturally) about what stuff should cost me and what's urgent to get done.

In job news, I've been called back for a second interview for the position I interviewed for on Monday. Legal "clerk" (or something like that) in the law department at a financial company. I'm having second thoughts about whether I want the position. Since I've had my heart set on getting a government job of some kind, I kinda want to give that a bit more time to pan out before I commit to a permanent position in legal. But I don't know if that's silly - it would be job security, guaranteed income, benefits, etc. At the same time, I've got a decent temping situation going at the law firm here. They like me, I'm fairly satisfied with the job and pay, and there's no commitment. I can keep job-hunting and working and make sure I explore all of my options.

I don't know what to do. Maybe they'll make me some fabulous offer (signing bonus!) (okay, not) and I'll be sucked in by the money factor. Maybe the law firm will meet the offer (and a signing bonus!) (okay, not) and I'll settle in to this place until I figure out what's next for me. GRR. Advice, anyone?  | ¶ 12:32 p.m.

  Grad Party Pics Here.  | ¶ 1:39 a.m.

  if you can't get a girl but your best friend can
it's time to move your body Today is my graduation. I missed them calling my name. But I've decided that today should mark some kind of turning point in my life, too. I have an interview on Monday, a pending job offer where I'm currently temping, and maybe, just maybe, I'll hear from Paul Martin soon about a cool government position.

What I want to talk about today, though, is my wish list for graduation presents. Various people have asked what I might like for a graduation present. And I've put some thought into it and have come up with a short list. Here we go:

1. My first request is for my sister. I was wondering, frou, if maybe you could fly down with me to Montreal, rent a car and drive with me to Lennoxville and help me get settled. Maybe while we're there you could take me to Wal-mart (just this once!) and buy a few necessary items for me. Maybe you could even buy a mattress for me to sleep on while I'm in school.

2. Next item is for my dad and step-mother. Dad, Barb, I would like to come visit you for Thanksgiving. Dad, maybe you could drive for two hours to Fredericton to pick me up (since that's as far as my ride takes me), and Barb, when we get to Moncton, maybe you could have little plates of snack food ready, candles lit on the backyard patio, and a bottle of wine ready to enjoy. I would also like a home-cooked turkey dinner and access to your car for my personal use.

3. I think I would like to receive care packages while I'm at school. Mom, maybe one every month. Janet, you should send me one too. frou, same with you. I'll need things like chocolate chip cookies, toilet paper, boots, cash, Kraft dinner, tomato soup, and gloves. Please organize that.

4. As a student I likely won't have a lot of money to spend on extras. Mom, if you could help pay for my plane ticket home at Christmas, that would sure be nice. Pammy P. and Tone-L, if you guys could give me some cash for incidentals that would be very helpful. Dalt, maybe you could write me a couple cheques.

5. This might be asking a lot, but hell, I'm a student and I'd like to do something different: I'd like to go to Europe. Pammy, since you're the well-connected travel agent, maybe you could take me somewhere. How about Prague? Yeah, a week with a girlfriend in that spectacular city would sure be a nice break from my studies.

6. Scott, would you tutor me and be my friend? Will you teach me to play poker and have me over for dinner? Will you share your wine with me and listen to my whining when I'm stressed? Will you introduce me to some cool people?

7. Tone-L, will you read my blog and when it sounds like I'm really freaking out, call me and reassure me that I'm going to make it and tell me that you know what I'm going through?

8. Everybody, even though I'll be gone for a while, will you keep me in your thoughts and prayers?

The point is, people, that I already appreciate everything that you have all done to support me while I was away doing something that I chose to do. I don't know that there's anything else to ask for. Every day that I get to spend with my family and friends, and being part of a great community of generous people is sufficient reward for me. That, and maybe I can get a satisfying and challenging job sometime soon.


Thank YOU.  | ¶ 9:11 p.m.

  well he must've been a looker, a smooth talkin' son of a gun I have great boyfriends. Yeah, that's right, I don't have just one, but many, and they're solid people.

Last night I had planned to meet up with Mark, my old buddy from Heenan. We pulled up some stools at the bar of the James Joyce pub on 8th Avenue and got caught up on each other's lives. With an empty tummy, it didn't take too many glasses of wine for me to be feeling the buzz. We had some good laughs and then split a cab to the Northwest. Our chatty cabbie ("DO YOU JOG??" was the kind of thing he kept interrupting our converstion with) made a comment about Mark taking his girlfriend out for a nice dinner. I was quick to mention that no, that had not happened, because he was going home to his wife. Heh.

When I arrived "home", frou and dArt were visiting with Mom & Dalt. I'd missed dinner, but snagged some leftovers and settled in for more chatting. dArt has never been a boring guy (remember this story) and is still living a fascinating life as a commercial diver down off the coast of Mexico. It was great to see him, hug him and hear about some of his adventures. he and frou are off to do some camping in Kelowna for the weekend, but he'll visit with the family again next week.

Re-connecting with old friends is a refreshing thing, especially for me right now when I'm sort of floundering around confused about who I am and what I want to do with my life. Talking so easily with the people who know me reminds me of certain aspects of myself that I sometimes forget. It also reminds me that I'm lucky to have such great people in my life.

(/sap)  | ¶ 12:20 a.m.

  take these shackles off my feet so I can dance I almost doubled my running time tonight. Seventeen minutes, people - up from the miniscule ten minute jogs I started with. And it wasn't even too hard. I turned up the "house" playlist on my iPod, and it was fairly smooth sailing.

After work today I met with a woman from another agency - for that position I mentioned earlier. It's hard to be enthusiastic about more of the same (legal admin), but I guess I gotta explore my options. Can't hurt to maybe get an interview and practice selling myself (ooh, joy).  | ¶ 12:20 a.m.

  said he's going back to find what's left of his world Calgary isn't designed for so much rain. Calgarians aren't equipped to handle such rainy weather either. All the golfers are antsy 'cause they can't golf, right, Tone-L? The sheltered driving ranges must be very popular these days. Certain people (i.e. me) don't really have proper summer rain footwear - I'm used to wearing sandals all summer. My wardrobe needs some serious help, but for now my toes are getting wet.

Also, some drainage equipment which isn't typically put to much use is being tested big time. For instance, it turns out that the drain outside my mom's house isn't so capable of handling mass amounts of water. Guess where that water ended up? Yup, in the basement... Don't worry, though, my room wasn't hit. Dalt's got a fancy fan system set up (i.e. three fans) to dry out the carpet at the bottom of the stairs.

In other news, beggars can't be choosers. Jonathan had this to say for me today:

Mercury's sharp angle to Mars suggests that you, lately, have been using a route over which the access rights have been dubious for some while. Maybe you didn't know, maybe the rules have only just changed. But never mind. The long way is still open. And it is not THAT long.

This morning I got a call from my agency about a permanent legal position, not in a law firm. I told her to send my resume. When I think about it, my legal experience outside law firms has been much more positive than within firms, so maybe this has potential. We'll see, I guess. I gotta change something, and soon.  | ¶ 1:46 p.m.

  every moment marked with apparitions of your soul Sometimes, when nobody else is on it, I do yoga in the elevator. We're on the 31st floor and it's a long ride; it feels good to stretch.  | ¶ 6:01 p.m.

  take her hand, she will lead you through the fire I think just for fun I'm going to proclaim myself Chief Executive Officer (of what...? My life, maybe). I've been typing some documents this morning and liked that title, so I think I'll take it.

One thing I know, though, is that I'm not the Chief Executive Officer of parking. Throughout the spring months in Calgary they put up signs advising that they'll be cleaning the streets "in you neigbourhood", so please don't park there for two days. It's our turn, in "my" neighbourhood, today and tomorrow.

So last night when I got home from my movie, I figured I'd drive up the alley and park in the the space allotted for the house where I'm currently residing. But frou's old car is there (why - don't ask), and Keri had already moved his van into his spot. So I figured I was stuck with street parking. Only after being told by both of my landlords to get my car into the alley, it is now parked in the middle of the alley (kinda in front of the two aforementioned vehicles occupying the actual spots), practically begging to be run into.

I'm not the Chief Executive Officer of parking.  | ¶ 12:30 p.m.

  the stillness of remembering what you had...
and what you lost ...this is just a blog about the non-blogging going on here lately. Sorry for the unannounced hiatus, people, but my state of mind is not conducive to updates lately. I wish I had something to say other than, this sucks, I'm depressed, but alas, that's about the gist of things.

Since this coming weekend is my official graduation from Bishop's and I won't be able to attend the actual ceremony, I'd planned to maybe go out for dinner with family and friends, but I honestly don't feel much like celebrating these days.

I even went jogging twice this weekend, but the endorphin highs were short-lived. My dad used to say "you can't be fit and unhappy", so we'll see if he's right; I'll stick with it. How long do I need to run to achieve a day-long buzz?  | ¶ 1:05 p.m.

  r a i n Something strange is going on in Calgary. It's raining.

I always say, "It doesn't rain in Calgary". Because mostly it doesn't. They predict it, forecast it, warn against it, but in the many years I've lived here, I've hardly seen much rain at all. Last night it started, though. And it's still going. Lightning, thunder, actual accumulation of rain. It's gonna be green around here for a change.  | ¶ 12:28 p.m.

  bring her flowers for her hair I went for a run last night. It was a momentous feat, because I haven't gone running in many many moons (i.e. over five years). I have done a bit of running in some basketball games when frou and I joined a league for a couple seasons recently, but my knees are bad, so mostly I've stuck to non-impact cardio. Recently I went out and bought myself a fancy new knee-support device, though, and figure I'll give running a shot again.

My brother Keri is a bit of a motivator - he's out there running 10-km races, coming in third place, etc. He also mentioned the positive vibe that exists at these events - everybody there is fit and happy, and it's a good feeling (oh, and they feed you!). I need more positive environments in my life, so if takes some running to find them, I'll try it out. Of course there's the added benefit of physical fitness, too.

Last night's run was a very brief 10-minute spin around the park in front of the house. After warming up with some power yoga, I put on my iPod, cranked up Dave Matthews, and took it very slowly. It wasn't too terrible, and I felt okay afterwards. I did some stretching and my quads are bit sore today, but my knees are fine.

The only weird thing this morning was that I got the aura-without-migraine that I periodically experience. I've heard about people that get this distortion in their visual field before a migraine hits, but I get the squiggled visual field distortion without the ensuing headache. It probably helps that I ward it off with drugs before it hits, but it's still odd, since I've never had a migraine.  | ¶ 2:08 p.m.