they met in a hurricane   | ¶ 1:47 p.m.

  ugly and unmotivated I think when you lack life experience, it's easy to look at another person's life and make judgments about the choices they've made, which you know nothing about. We all do things in our own time, and we each struggle with different challenges. Some of us define ourselves by our relationships while some of us are more independent and self-sufficient. Most of us learn our most valuable lessons through making mistakes. Clinging stubbornly to a person, a life course, or even a belief only makes you rigid and less able to adapt to the inevitable bumps in the road.

Plans change.

(Thank God.)  | ¶ 10:42 a.m.

  who's a chump? me, that's who I've decided to spend a bit of money on my car. Poor Fred has been sitting un-driven and neglected for the past several months, and even before that I didn't have a lot of cash to put into maintenance. Last winter somebody smashed a window and removed my car stereo. Last spring somebody tipped the whole car up on its side on the sidewalk. A new window and an engine "shampoo" (to clean up all the spilled oil) was all I could afford last year.

The inspection report from that time tells me that I have a broken tie rod, need rear brakes, my muffler needs attention, and my parking brake is broken. After talking to a couple people, I hear that the broken tie rod should be my first priority - something about not being able to steer at all if the next one goes too (that might explain all the rattling when I drive on the highway, too). So that'll be next week's paycheque.

I still had the old radio and planned to get it re-installed at some point. Today I did just that. They make you pay in advance for car audio installations at A&B Sound, so I dished out fifty bucks yesterday when I made the appointment. But I go to pick up Fred tonight and although they have installed the old radio, they tell me it doesn't work. It worked fine before it was taken out so it didn't even occur to me that it might be broken now.

So I paid fifty dollars to have a non-functioning radio put back in my car. Chump.  | ¶ 12:27 a.m.

  Happy Friday (I like money) I got my income tax refund! Woo hoo !

First order of business is giving my step-father $1,500 for the loan he gave me this year while I was in school. Then put some on my Visa. Then it'll mostly be gone.

Good thing today is also payday - I can buy myself a drink, too.

And maybe some pants. Or a skirt. And a magazine...  | ¶ 10:40 a.m.

  you look nice today! "In our case we only gave people one compliment and that was enough. Imagine what it would be like if parents gave their child or teenager compliments frequently."

Story.  | ¶ 9:33 p.m.

  note to self: Re-charge iPod tonight!  | ¶ 3:23 p.m.

  cut a path across the blue skies Gina and I hit the mall tonight. I treated myself to some new pyjama pants from Old Navy. When I went next door to get someone to take my pic, Ella wanted hers taken too. She has nice pyjamas too.  | ¶ 11:37 p.m.

  and they said there's nothing you can do Last night the kids had soccer practice. Kyle and Caia play on different teams but practice at the same field, so that makes it fairly convenient for their parents. But Gina had to work last night, Keri coaches Kyle's team, and "Gram" (my mom) had a previous engagement and couldn't tag along to help out with Ella. I wasn't planning to go, but Keri asked and they have given me lots of coffee over the last few weeks (that's the deal: babysitting for fresh-brewed coffee), so I agreed to go.

Ella started out crying because her dad forgot to bring her blanket (mean man), but she was good once we arrived at the field and saw all the kids. She and I headed for the playground and played on the various climbing contraptions and slides for a while. The playground isn't quite designed for a two-year-old, so it made me nervous when she was somewhere I couldn't reach to catch her if she stumbled (it's hard to be at the bottom and the top of the slide at the same time!).

On one slide (that I later learned Gina doesn't let her go on), Ella got moving before I had a chance to get to the bottom. Next thing I know, I see her flying around a corner (it's a twirly slide) head-first, and all I can do at that point is reach out and grab whatever I can to stop her. I actually managed to bash her pretty good in the head, but she just laughed and cried out, "ADAIN! ("again", in Ella-speak). The same thing happened the second time - I kept expecting her to cry because the way I was catching her (by the face) could not have been very pleasant, but she was in a good mood and didn't mind.

It's like I have kids or something, huh?  | ¶ 2:57 p.m.

  Dear Paul, I really want to work for you. You know you need me...! Please call me. Call me soon. I can't do this legal stuff anymore. But I'd do it for you, Paul. One of the positions I applied for with your government was a legal assistant one. I'd do it. I passed your tests, too, Paul. Just give me a chance and let me in.

Dear City of Calgary,

I really want to work for you. You know I'd do a great job for you. Please call me. Call me soon. I can't do this law firm stuff anymore. The position I applied for closed on Friday: it's time to make a decision, and that decision is ME. I look forward to your call.

(/desperation)  | ¶ 11:57 a.m.

  I would never try to slow down the wind The other night I caught a comedian on Comedy Central. He mentioned how his niece came home from grade one relating the coolest day she'd ever had - with some amazing computers that responded when the kids blinked their eyes, etc. And she asked him, "Uncle, did you ever have anything so cool when you were in grade one? He thought for a second and realized that the coolest day was when the janitor went up on the roof and threw down all the tennis balls. Remember that from grade school, boys?

My nephew is eight. He plays ball at school on the playground and manages to lose lots of tennis balls on the roof of the school. Keri and Gina have been encouraging him to find out what day someone might be going to the roof to toss off the collection of stuff up there (or to get in tight with the janitor), 'cause they figure he's got claim to the bulk of the tennis balls. Funny.  | ¶ 12:23 a.m.

  thinking I caught Castaway on one of the movie channels yesterday. And it made me think, where the heck is Helen Hunt these days?  | ¶ 2:59 p.m.

  fly this girl as high as you can into the wild blue To keep my spirits up, to combat boredom, and because I've got more resources and time on my hands, I'm exercising a lot more these days. I'm getting back into the Pilates and my "powerhouse" is getting firmed up. I'm still doing my yoga. But I've added biking to the routine. Today Keri, Kyle, Caia and I went for a nice 45-minute ride on the bike paths in the neighbourhood, through Confederation Park and past the cemetery.

The ride starts out tough from the house, because passing by the golf course there are some hilly sections, but after that it's flat and easier to handle. Keri was hauling Caia behind in in the burley, so he was a champ to pedal up those hills. Kyle did a good job, too. I was telling him that Keri and I had an advantage because we can shift gears. He wanted to know when he could get a gear-shifting bike. He's eight, though, and just got a pretty nice non-gear-shifting bicycle for his birthday this year.

In other news, poor litle Ella took a fall and managed to bite her lip open tonight. Since she's only two, she doesn't quite understand the sensation of her swollen lip, and kept asking Gina to "get it off". Gina had to show her that there was nothing to take off. Poor child.

Yesterday we all went for a hike at Glenmore Park. We brought sandwiches and had a picnic. In the car on the way back from the grocery store before our outing, Caia told me that she'd seen on Sponge Bob that you could either make the sandwiches before going, or bring the fixings and make them at the picnic. I didn't know Sponge Bob covered such valuable topics.  | ¶ 10:33 p.m.

  heads Carolina, tails California I check my website stats regularly (okay, compulsively) to see who's visiting, and where my referrals are coming from. I get a lot of people looking for images of a shark attack (I wrote about Art getting attacked by a mako shark back in the fall).

I get a lot of people doing a search for "school thumbs", the significance of which completely escapes me. And every once in a while I get people looking for the Oxford Stomp, which is a party hosted by the property management company in Calgary called Oxford Properties during the Stampede. When I worked in Bow Valley Square years ago, it became part of the routine each year to attend that party. I remember it being called the "Beef 'n Beans" (a typical name for parties in Calgary during the Stampede). Basically they fence in a big field, put up a tent in one end for bands and two-stepping, a tent in the other end where the beef and beans are served, and set up rows and rows of port-a-potties for the crowds of increasingly drunken stampeders.

Today I clicked on the link that took me to my archives in August and I read something that made me think. This:

It's at the point now where I don't have much respect for certain lawyers. A law firm is the worst place to work as an administrative person, too, because of the indentured-servant feeling of it all. I'm sick of being a babysitter. And I'm sick of being treated like a person who has less value simply because of my role within this company. Even if I have to start at the bottom all over again when I get back, I absolutely resolve to not take another job with no prospects for growth, challenge and real responsibility.

And then I got an email from an old friend who said, "I'm surprised that Heenan didn't put you off law firms altogether."

And I was like, DUH! You're RIGHT! What AM I doing here?

Today was mostly spent revising the same two documents. A takeover bid which is sixty-plus pages, which we had to scan in because we didn't have a soft copy and hence lost all the formatting. Guess who's putting in all the italics, bolding, spacing, paragraphs, page numbering, table of contents, changing company names, bulleting dates... The other document is a spreadsheet of shareholders that I've been maintaining since Wednesday. We keep getting new subscribers. That one is tolerable at least. But this afternoon I was almost falling asleep at my desk from the monotony of lame work.

And then I got a call from the temp agency. The firm is very pleased with my work and would I be interested in staying on until I go back to school? (I told them when I registered that I graduated and was done school, but they seem to have forgotten that part.) I told her I would have to think about it. Because it wouldn't be a contract, but it would be a commitment, and it's like signing up for a job that you don't want. I'm not saying I would rather be home twiddling my thumbs and dying of boredom and poverty in my mom's basement (!), but I just want to be sure that I'm moving in the right direction.

I kinda feel like I've been walking around in a daze the last few days, because the shock of being plunked right back where I came from is a little strange to me. I don't want to be the legal assistant anymore. But what do I do instead? I'm waiting on some applications I made last week, but who knows...?!

Maybe I'll get attacked by a mako shark at the Oxford Stomp and suffer from school thumbs (just a little something to reinforce my referrers).  | ¶ 11:10 p.m.

  rich girl I got my paycheque - $342.42 for three days of work. Not bad. So guess what I treated myself to? A newspaper (I'm so wild) and a caramel macchiato from Starbucks. The coffee cost me $3.58. It's a vanilla latte with some caramel syrup on top. In their smallest size ("tall"). Now it's time to pay my bills.  | ¶ 3:02 p.m.

  success! DEGREE: Bachelor of Arts
Psychology Major

I am pleased to advise you that your application to graduate in the programme noted above has been approved by the Senate and the Business Meeting of Convocation. The degree will be awarded at Spring Convocation, June 11, 2005. My congratulations for your achievement, and best wishes for your future endeavours.

...I made it.  | ¶ 10:21 p.m.

  he's getting up there... Happy Birthday Tone-L!
  | ¶ 4:19 p.m.

  cat tales frou called last night from Salt Lake City (stopover on the way to Las Vegas). She forgot to feed the !

Poor Lefty / Blackbean / Boobah (his name is undetermined, so it alternates among several). I went over to feed him, since it's my job to take care of him while frou is in Vegas.

Also, poor Salsa. Mom and Dalt don't really love playing host to a feline, so she mostly has to stay locked up in my room in the basement. She thought she had it bad in the L'ville shack... this room is smaller...!  | ¶ 7:47 p.m.

  about my job I'm working for a young lawyer named Stacey. She's blonde and nice.

It's funny what you forget that you know. I swear, I could almost run a closing for a private placement at this point.

I think since they were told I was just out of university they think I'm pretty young.

On my first day, I was asked to meet with a client when he arrived to endorse some cheques. We selected a boardroom and chatted while he signed. Floyd would have never let me do that.

The law firm is located in an office tower above a mall. I went to Arby's for lunch. Malls remind me that I'm hopelessly out of style and too poor to do anything about it.

But!

I made one hundred and thirty dollars today. And I'll get a paycheque on Friday. Let the debt repayment begin.  | ¶ 7:35 p.m.

  ta-da! I'm starting work tomorrow on a legal temp assignment at a law firm in downtown Calgary. I'm nervous - it's been a while...  | ¶ 5:44 p.m.

  things I learned today Ooh, scandal! Belinda Stronach defects from the Conservative Party.

What the...! Renee Zellwegger marries Kenny Chesney?

This boy is cute (okay, I knew that already).  | ¶ 1:03 p.m.

  also I created a longer links list than I've ever had. I have blogging frequency requirements in order to be in the list. Right now Scott still meets that criteria, but we'll see...!  | ¶ 9:43 p.m.

  and you haunt me like a ghost That dark force threatens me. The negative perspective that looks at my life and says, is this what you went to university for?

Today I filed my income tax return (I have a respectable refund coming my way which should help make me less destitute for a while). I dropped off ROEs to HRDC, to support my claim for Employment Insurance (hey, I've paid into it, why not see if I qualify for benefits until I'm working?), I called a temp agency that has treated me well in the past to say please put me to work; I'll take anything, I applied for another job with the federal government.

I keep thinking I should have planned this a little better. I should have arranged to stay in my place in L'ville and figure things out before just heading back here to be with my stuff... 'Cause it's hard constantly reminding yourself that the displacement is short-term - the not-having-your-own-space, the imposition-on-family, the crossing-of-fingers that I'll stumble upon cash to afford to pay my way. I'm stupid to be here: dependent.

(/self-pity)

But at the same time, I know if I can just stick it out for a while, get back on my feet and make a plan, I really am in a good place with lots of opportunity ahead of me. That part takes a lot of effort, though.  | ¶ 9:07 p.m.

  together in this brief eternity I think it's the fallout from too much cramming of information into my brain over the past few months, but lately I find I have no interest in reading anything deeper than the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants. I try to read the news online, the newspaper, a magazine, and I just cannot concentrate, or care, apparently. All brain power has been used up for the season.

Now I spend too much time playing poker at pokerroom.com. I recently discovered the No Limit tables, and I'm just loving it. Of course, I still only play with fake money. That's probably a very good thing.

Today's plan is to tackle my income taxes, apply for some jobs (there were some good ones in yesterday's Calgary Herald), do some pilates on the big screen (screen size doesn't actually matter, but Dalt's TV room has the most area for exercising), and maybe go for a bike ride.

Already this morning I made omelettes for me and Mom. Then I went next door for coffee and helped get kids ready for church. Everyone's at church now, so I've go the place to myself.  | ¶ 12:52 p.m.

  bad wine Last night I headed over to BU to meet up with Pammy P. and Tone-L for some beverages. I drank red wine. We were there for quite a while, so we're feeling pretty good after much drinking. Pammy and I hit the VLTs for a bit - no big winners last night, though. Pammy said she noticed Jessie, our waitress, open a new bottle of wine before pouring our last drinks of the evening, and we figure that's what did us in. Pammy and I can handle our liquor, so the puking and hangover we suffered this morning were out of proportion to what we drank. She said she's gotten sick from the wine at BU on a previous occasion - I guess they don't serve a lot of it, nor store it correctly, so it goes bad. Who knew the wine would get me...? That's an experience I don't want to have again.  | ¶ 4:20 p.m.

  Salsa, we're not in Lennoxville anymore Today I arranged to meet Anders for a drink; I figured after my hard day of job applications (all two of them) and biking I deserved a treat. We decided to go to the Metropolitan Grill on 17th Avenue. This is a pretty trendy restaurant/bar in a pretty trendy area. There's a lot of well put together people in there. And it's an older crowd - 30s and up. Things have changed since the last time I visited the bathrooms, though. On the back of the stall doors are flat screen TVs showing short films. There were hockey clips when I was in there. I wonder why they weren't trying to sell me anything...

Then I drove home in rush hour traffic. Gotta love Crowchild Trail at dinnertime.

In other technology news, yesterday I did my yoga workout with my video playing on Dalt's 60-inch TV. We've got all the gear here.  | ¶ 12:22 a.m.

  fine, i'll be your secretary I found some decent-looking admin positions with both the City of Calgary and the federal government. And the pay is good. So I applied. Right now I just gotta get some work. There's only so many mornings of 100 Huntley Street blasting through the house that a girl can take. No offense to those of the religious persuasion who dig that stuff.

Now I'm going for a bike ride with my niece, if we can just convince her to change from her dress and flip-flops into shorts and running shoes!  | ¶ 2:25 p.m.

  everyone here knows how to fly My stuff arrived today. Three hundred and four dollars with Purolator (UPS was much too complicated this time). I seem to have amassed significantly more possessions than I left Calgary with. I just threw out a ton of stuff yesterday and now I've got twenty-five more boxes to go through. At least my computer's here, though. I wasn't thinking and forgot to email myself my resume, so I haven't had it to use for job-hunting (good excuse, no?). Devin said I could just make a new one easily, but he forgets that I'm ancient and have years of experience to document that may not be quickly reproduced from memory.

Actually I should thank Devin (and I have) for being so great with helping me get my stuff here. You see, Stacey's not the best packer. So I wasn't quite organized to leave on my last day in L'ville, and managed to miss the cut-off time for UPS. So I flew away with all of my stuff still sitting in my shack. And was on the phone all the next morning with UPS, Fedex and Purolator, trying to find someone who could accommodate my needs. Devin handled the remainder of the packing, labelling, and meeting the pick-up driver.

In other news, having kids is hard work..! (like you didn't know that) I've been spending a lot of time next door with my brother's family (the kids are 8, 6 and 2), and even though I'm not even the one in charge, I try to help out as much as I can, and it's exhausting. The driving, organizing, supervising, cooking, cleaning, even just the mental work of trying to keep everyone organized; poor Gina had a hard day today.

Now that I've got all my stuff I'm going to tackle both job-hunting and income tax filing. I should be getting some money back this year - that would be nice right now for this poor ex-student.  | ¶ 8:16 p.m.

  last hurrah Yay! Poker pics from my last night in L'ville.  | ¶ 10:37 a.m.

  former math whiz I figure while I've got free time on my hands and am homeless, there's incentive to weed through the pile of crap I left stored in my brother's basement since I left last September. It's funny the stuff you save. I have the first book report I ever wrote in Grade Four on The Phantom Tollbooth (I got 23 out of 25). I have a religion paper I wrote in 1996 for Intro to Religion (I got an 85). I have a math medal for being the highest scorer at my high school on the Cayley Contest in Grade 10. My high school diploma. Swimming badges. Figure skating badges. Fifth grade artwork. Letters that my friend Karrie wrote to me when I was in first year at Bishop's (box 1324). The notes that instructed me how to find Jackie Frost's house on Reid Street when I was a rookie on the basketball team and had to get up and make her breakfast as part of initiation (I actually threw these out today; not sure what value they have). CDs and tapes. Basketball pics. The invitation to my dad and step-mother's wedding in 1990. A bazillion movie tickets; I saw Love Actually on December 21, 2003 (also tossed today).

The goal is to minimize; easier to transport. But it's hard when you look at this stuff to decide whether to keep it. Will I want to have it some day to look back on?  | ¶ 4:07 p.m.

  thumbs down It's snowing here in Calgary. Welcome back to winter, eh.  | ¶ 1:59 p.m.

  outta shape I totally neglected my cardio exercise while being a student. Probably didn't help with stress management. But I like to work out at home, and didn't cart my elliptical trainer to L'ville with me. Now that I'm back in a house with much fitness equipment, I'm back in the grind. My elliptical trainer is here (I'm starting slow with 10-minute sessions) and my mother's got the Total Gym so I've tried that out too. Endorphins are good. My body is wondering what the heck is going on, though.  | ¶ 8:05 p.m.

  we were just getting to the good part I think the hard part about leaving somewhere is that you lose the life you invested your time and energy creating. University is a little bit of an odd situation, of course, because it is cyclical and constantly changing - you can't expect it to last forever. My own routine for the past several months consisted of class first thing in the morning, stopping by J9, sometimes going for coffee with Scott, sometimes doing homework in the Loft, maybe heading home for lunch, attending afternoon classes, then going home for dinner and homework. Now that I'm removed from that life I don't quite know what to do with myself, since I'm now just deposited randomly in the lives of the family and friends I've returned to. Is my old life relevant anymore? Is it still mine, or does it not matter?

I was always so grateful to have Scott at Bishop's. He was the one person who helped me feel connected to something of an "adult" world while being surrounded by an environment of mostly youth ('cause me and him, we're SO old, you know). Not only did he tutor me in a class I needed to pass, but he provided an introduction to a social circle of good and interesting people. He hosted poker games, always shared his wine with me, always bought my coffee when we met up to chat, encouraged me, argued with me, and laughed with me.

And more recently I met Devin. We probably wouldn't have started spending time together if not for that day that I was convinced I had failed my Modern Government midterm (only to find out later I actually got a decent 74). It was St. Patrick's Day and as good a day as any to head to the Lion and drink beer. We hit it off well enough to move on to the Grec (a mainstay in the Bishop's student diet) for poutines. And he walked me home. We proceeded to spend the majority of our time together for the rest of the semester (a short seven weeks), even when I was extremely stressed about exams and papers and was less-than-nice. Devin proofread all of my assignments and papers, reminded me to remove commas (I tend to use a lot of them), told me how great my work was, told me my exams would go well. We laughed a lot, watched TV, ate terribly (lots of Grec and McDo during this period), and every once in a while, when nothing was due, we'd drink some wine and watch a movie. On the list of things I thought I'd never do this past year was "date a 22-year-old", but I'm glad I was open to the possibility. We had a hard time saying good-bye last week.

I know I need to move forward. It's hard to know what to do next, that's all.  | ¶ 1:28 p.m.

  what's cooler than being cool I spent the day at the University of Calgary writing some standardized tests for some positions I applied for with the federal government. This morning was the "written communication proficiency test", which consisted of summarizing an article. It was fairly long and time seemed to run out quickly, so I don't know how I did on that. This afternoon was the "Graduate Recruitment Test" and the "Situational Judgement Test" (I don't know why they spell judgement with an E - didn't we get rid of that...?). I felt pretty dumb after both those tests, too. The first one had math and formulas and searching for patterns (i.e. Shape A is to Shape B as Shape C is to ??; and "give the next number in the sequence..."). I breezed through the first half of that test but the questions seemed to get really hard really fast. It's been a long time since I've had to do much math. Also, I could probably figure out a math answer more easily than figuring out a formula, which was what they asked for in each question (i.e. "Joe is making 660 after two raises of 25% and 10% each. What's the formula for what he started from?"). Weird. The situational judgment questions were fairly ambiguous and subjective, I thought. So I have no idea how I did on that.

Since memories of Bishop's are so fresh in my mind I couldn't help but compare the U of C SUB to the one I just left. A&W. DQ. Numerous coffee shops. A hair salon! I had Vietnamese food for lunch. Then a German chocolate mint coffee (they don't have THAT flavour at BU).

The next step in my return to grown-up life is getting today's paper and digging in for some serious job-hunting. Or maybe I'll see if I still remember how to play the piano first...  | ¶ 8:21 p.m.

  why it's GOOD to be home

• The sweet sweet freedom of having a car.
• Life; civilization. Stuff is always open and I can get whatever I want.
• Family. Seeing how much my brother's kids have grown. Having a brother and a sister around to pick me up from the airport. I forgot how nice it is to have our little community so handy.
• Friends. Familiar routines of an established social life (even though my "social life" consists of a fairly small circle).
• Pammy. I realized tonight that although I made some good friends in L'ville, not one of them was female. Girlfriends are important.

  | ¶ 12:39 a.m.

  "home" sick So I met Pammy and Tone-L for some beers and chat tonight. Pammy likes to hit the VLTs a bit at BU (that now refers to Bottoms Up Sports Pub since I'm not in L'ville anymore). I was reminded by the lovely pool table that it's been way too long since I played a decent game of pool, so I racked up the balls and played a solo game. A dude at the bar noticed me playing and challenged me. He asked what rules I play by, since he's from Montreal and there are subtle rule differences from coast to coast. I told him I grew up on the East coast, too, so I'd had to adjust to the "Western" rules when I came out here. I'm not sure what all the differences are, but one is that when you make the shot you've called, in the East you can sink someone else's ball and still keep your turn. Out here if you sink something after the shot you called you lose the turn. Subtle.

He told me he was from Laval and spent lots of time skiing in the Eastern Townships area, asked me if I knew North Hatley. He was surprised to hear I'd been there just yesterday.

I miss it. And my people out there.  | ¶ 11:56 p.m.

  back in Cowtown Salsa and I have arrived safe and sound. And tired. That's all for now.  | ¶ 1:30 a.m.

  I ROCK THE HOUSE (the verdict, part five) Holy shit!

I got an 80 in the Philosophy of Religion. Man, I must've kicked some serious ass on that final paper...! Yeehaw!  | ¶ 10:47 a.m.

  packing tales My shack is getting cleaned out. There are packing boxes scattered about with varying amounts of my possessions - dishes, videos, books, clothes. My television is already gone, and the woman who bought the bulk of my bigger stuff is coming tomorrow to take my bed, dresser, etc. As per my pattern established in September, this computer will be disconnected and packed among the LAST items. Actually, Devin is here doing an overhaul of this machine (installing a bigger hard drive - I seem to have filled up my current one these past few months). Salsa is a little confused about the commotion; I vacuumed and rolled up my carpet, so the floors are very bare.

CP kindly cooked up a feast for Scott and me tonight. And tomorrow we've organized a last poker game for me to enjoy before I fly away (I better win, damnit!). The whole thing is a little overwhelming and bittersweet... it will be hard to leave the friends I've made here, and hard to face what awaits me in Calgary (i.e. job hunting; although I will now be a university graduate, I still don't have a clue what I want to do), but it will be nice to return to a familiar city with some missed luxuries like radio stations, stores, and my STUFF.

That's the update from L'ville. Stay tuned.  | ¶ 9:41 p.m.

  the verdict, part four Yeesh. So much for my fabulous Cognitive Psychology mark (I got 90 on the midterm and 85 on the term paper). Final mark: 74. Just missed my 75 target.  | ¶ 10:49 a.m.

  i'll let you go Today was a good day. Devin and I spent the afternoon strolling around Montreal as the weather alternated between sunny, cloudy, windy, and rainy. We had lunch in a nice bistro, toured the streets of old Montreal, walked up to the McGill campus, and took in the sights on St. Catherine Street. It's nice to visit a city with someone who is familiar with the city and knows lots of stuff about the place. We both were wishing we weren't destitute ex-students, though - no shopping for us...!

Tomorrow I'm going to attack the first of my packing.  | ¶ 11:50 p.m.

  you can't go home again I remember that first night in this room. The place has cold, hard tile floor throughout, so frou slept on the air mattress and I slept on my yoga mat. It was terribly uncomfortable, and I opted for the couch the next night. The couch in this place is one of those 2-part, angled units - it came with the place, so one can only imagine the history and cleanliness of the piece (no offense to Tom, who lived here before me - I'm assuming the couch has a longer history than his experience with it). You kinda have to sleep slightly bent to match the curves of the couch. But it's still comfy.

I remember one of those first nights as I lay (on whatever makeshift bed I was using until my mattress got delivered) staring up at the ceiling and trying to imagine that this place would be my whole world for the next eight months. It seemed a little bit crazy. If you saw the size of my shack you would also think it crazy that I've spent so much time enclosed within these four walls.

The windows and outside walls are somewhat thin and lacking in soundproofing, so I've always kinda felt like I'm practically outside anyway. These days it's the rain that I hear, but I've always been able to hear the crunch of the gravel beneath the feet of people walking outside on the un-paved driveway. You can't imagine, then, the intense rumbling of the train which passes by so closely that I can see what the train conductor is wearing.

The fact that I'll soon be moving out is overwhelming all over again. Where has the time gone? Have I really let myself experience all that I should have?  | ¶ 6:39 p.m.

  nobody's coming to get ME The past few days Lennoxville has been filled with minivans, trucks, and parents. The kids are clearing out. As I walked home from Devin's place last night (we watched Love, Actually), I thought about how quiet it seemed without the usual scene of partying university students. But then I got to my place and noticed that my remaining neighbours were still going at it. There's a balcony on the second or third floor that overlooks the train tracks and dumpster (yeah, they pay extra for that view), and these kids have a tendency to make a game of throwing stuff off their balcony into or on the dumpster. I've heard mysterious clanging at all hours of the night and only recently figured out what the source of the noise was.

In the last few days the dumpster has become the site for abandoned furniture and various odds and ends, so there's a small pile of stuff out there. As I prepared to go to bed I heard people yelling about heading to the bar and then it was quiet for a while. But a short time later I heard an odd crackling noise from outside (thin walls - everything comes through), so I glance outside to see that there are firetrucks, firemen, police, and big flaming pile of furniture which is now being attended to. The kids apparently set the couches on fire before taking off to the bar. Classy, don't ya think. The firemen doused the pile pretty good. This morning I went out to toss some trash and got a close-up look at the mess. In addition to lighting stuff on fire, it looks like people also tossed a microwave and ironing board off their balcony - there's just a whole assortment of burned-up pieces now. Yeesh.

Anyway, today Devin and I are heading off to Montreal for a mini roadtrip. It's quite the treat to have a vehicle at our disposal after being car-less students all year (another reason I hardly left my shack; nowhere to go, no way to get there). Yesterday we drove into Sherbrooke for a nice breakfast at Chez Cora. Freedom, baby. I can't wait to have my car back...!  | ¶ 10:01 a.m.