guess what guess what guess what? I'M DONE!!

Yeah, it's eleven o'clock on a Friday night, the last day of the semester, and my paper was due today. What'd you think, I'd have it done early or something?

Philosophy and religion hurt my brain - that was a tough paper. Wanna know the conclusions? Bultmann says the passage from Genesis about creation was totally myth. But that a Christian man knows that nature and history are permeated with God's activity, and the physical "sense" of this knowing is sufficient proof for faith. Or something. Bultmann is considered pretty controversial in religious circles, because they don't like their good book being dismissed as fairytale. But he was still a believer and had good intentions with his propositions. He actually wanted to make religion more accessible to the modern rational man by negating some of the more supernatural facets of the story. Ah well.

I must go drink.  | ¶ 11:08 p.m.

  last to the gate It's funny to be sitting here still working away on my homework when all day I've heard several of the kids in my building and next door packing up their stuff and leaving. Bye, kids! It makes it feel more real, anyway, that this adventure is coming to a close, even when I myself have not packed so much as one bag or box.  | ¶ 1:38 p.m.

  the verdict, part three Finally, one of my marks is posted. In 20th Century World, I got 73. Respectable.

Now if I could just get this brutal paper finished for religion... The philosopher I've chosen to use to interpret the passage is Rudolf Bultmann, who, although he was a committed Christian, said that the Bible should be viewed mostly as MYTH. So I'm having a hard time explaining to a reader how to make sense of the text given that they should view it as something of a fairytale, while maintaining their faith in a magical superhero God. Hmm...  | ¶ 1:19 p.m.

  phew (the verdict, part II) I was seriously stressing about my NA-1860 final mark. So I wrote to my prof and asked her to let me know when she had marked my exam. She let me know today that my final mark is 58. Now that is nowhere near what I'd hoped to get, but things did not really go my way in that class, and she was tough. That will be my lowest mark this year.  | ¶ 2:17 p.m.

  are you serious! Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes...?  | ¶ 9:40 a.m.

  some philosophy Thoughts from Augustine: How does God speak? Written words? Spoken words? God is not a body, a material object, so cannot produce sound. Neither is God in time, but words are temporal and spatial (exist in time and within place); God cannot communicate in time.

Augustine therefore does not think the bible is the definitive word of God.

This position supports my own about certain religions interpreting the "word of God" (or other religious texts) so literally. Not reasonable, nor logical.  | ¶ 5:33 p.m.

  My philosophy of religion assignment: Use the hermeneutical principles of one or more ot the following persons: Augustine, Aquinas, Wittgenstein, Bultmann, Gadamer - to provide an interpretation of the following text (i.e. explain to a reader today what the text means, what it is saying, how it should or can be understood, etc.). Explicate the principles on which your interpretation is based.

Then God said, 'Let us make humankind in our image, according to our likeness; and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the birds of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the wild animals of the earth, and over every creeping thing that creeps upon the earth.' So God created humankind in his image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them. (Genesis 1:26,27)

Eep.  | ¶ 2:45 p.m.

  the problem with parties On CBC radio this morning they're interviewing key figures regarding the latest happenings on the sponsorship gongshow. Jack Layton was on, clarifying his position regarding the deal with the Liberals on the budget amendments. And the other big story these days is the role of the "independents" in a potential no-confidence vote. They talked to to two of the three MPs who represent constituents without belonging to a particular political party. And both said they would have to wait and see what the voters in their ridings indicated before they would decide how to vote.

I thought that was a pretty novel concept: MPs voting according to their constituents' wishes on matters...! I think it would be interesting to hear how many Conservative MPs have ridings in which the voters do not want to bring down the government yet. Or vice versa: how many people in Liberal ridings that want to go to the polls soon. I think we should have a referendum on the matter, and not leave this decision up to the leaders of the opposition parties. That would be cool.  | ¶ 8:56 a.m.

  finally! My exam went well. That's the first one I can say that about with confidence. I hope I get an 80. Anyway. It's. Done.

I turned in my mailbox key; I'm barely a student anymore. Just one more paper to write. Argh.  | ¶ 11:18 a.m.

  I am studying ...two hours to go before my last exam...  | ¶ 6:57 a.m.

  I cognize therefore I am I wasn't so productive today. I woke up tired and cranky. It was raining. But now I feel better. And motivated tonight, finally. Although I only started my studying around 7 tonight, I'm absorbing lots and feel good about what I'm taking in.

Maybe it was the chocolate chip cookies. Maybe it was the time spent with Devin watching Oprah, Dr. Phil, Who Wants to be a Millionaire and Family Feud. The Tim's coffee and Boston creme donut. Mom's pep-talk. Tony's email. The chat with frou. The chat with Anders. Some unseen forces of positive energy. The chat with Scott. My meatloaf and mashed potatoes...

Feeling good after you felt bad feels good.  | ¶ 11:20 p.m.

  hold those horsies I wish things were different somehow. I feel like I've just been one mess of stress for so long now that I have neither been able to relax nor appreciate much about the experience lately. I wish I still cared more about my classes. Remember how enthusiastic I was about the stuff I was learning before? My classes this semester have been equally interesting, but I just haven't been able to fully absorb the material, or get that excited about it, because I just have not had time. I don't know if it's just 'cause of the six-course workload this semester, or if I became less focussed and managed my time poorly (very possible), or if it's the lack of balance. I'm missing exercising lately - I hunker down in my shack and don't do much of anything other than face my books, and my world has become very small.

I know I keep saying this lately, but man am I tired. Every day I wake up and feel ready to get up, only once I do, I realize how exhausted I still am.

I sat in the Pub for three hours - the entire allotted time - writing that damn "North America since 1860" exam this afternoon. And I don't even know if I did that well. We learned such specific material in the lectures that turning it into long essays with broad themes is extremely challenging. I wanted to talk about the horses! But I couldn't fit them in to my rambling about liberalism, national identities and native struggles.

So I'm going to tell YOU about the horses:

Because of industrialisation, there was a lot of movement toward cities in the late 1800s. Horses were still the primary mode of transportation for all these fancy new manufactured goods. So the streets, which had formerly been social places with market stalls and children playing, now became transportation corridors. But with the tremendous amount of growth and industry going on, this meant a heck of a lot of horses (Clydesdales) on the streets. So that meant that somebody had to clean up all the horse shit. And it meant that one-third of agricultural land was used to cultivate food for these horses (I'm referring to the U.S. right now). Additionally, because of the great demands placed on these poor horsies, they lived only about four years. So that created the problem of horse carcasses to be removed, which was occurring at a rate of about 15,000 per year!

Horses. The End.  | ¶ 7:55 p.m.

  nice So I've been calling the sponsorship thing the "sponsorship gongshow", and lately I've mentioned that I think that should be its official name. Come on, everyone - let's all call it that...!

Devin told me this morning on CBC Newsworld that he saw Scott Reid, the PM's communications director, saying that the Conservatives have turned Question Period into a gongshow. One gongshow leads to another gongshow apparently. When you Google "sponsorship gongshow", guess who's the number one result? Me, baby.

Fuck, I have an exam soon.  | ¶ 9:58 a.m.

  {frou report} I'm back... I've still got sand in my shoes

  | ¶ 4:40 a.m.

  I will dance with you just this one time I don't think you can understand how tired I am.

I'm s-o tired.

So I got through the Cognitive ("Cog") exam alright. I really don't know how I did - good enough, I suppose. And I really want to sleep right now. But I've got NA-1860 tomorrow, and I really have to do well on this one. Ugh.  | ¶ 6:06 p.m.

  panic I'm freaking out a little bit as it kinda hit me tonight that I've got three exams in the next four days. I've spent today reading my Cognitive text, and I've got tomorrow morning to review. Then it's right into NA-1860 for that exam Sunday afternoon. Then one day off to prepare for Modern Government. And then two days to whip up my philosophy of religion paper. Ouch ouch ouch.  | ¶ 11:08 p.m.

  are you giving us a better choice The Liberal party has engaged in some questionable practices, no doubt about it. But Stephen Harper and Jack Layton are a little confused if they think that voters who traditionally vote Liberal consider the Conservative Party or the NDP a reasonable second choice. Personally, I'm going to be doing more research on the Green Party (see their "10 Key Values").

In my research on democratic reform this semester I learned that the federal government is seriously lacking in any kind of meaningful oversight. As compared to other "Westminster-style" democracies, we have fewer accountability mechanisms in place, and that isn't solely the fault of the Liberal party. Sure, right now they're the ones who got caught taking advantage of the system, but they're not the first to do so. Some may remember the Conservative Party of the early 90s:

Since his retirement from politics, public assessments of Mulroney’s leadership—as expressed in polls—have remained largely negative. This seems to reflect a belief that his government was too free in granting favors to its friends, a reaction to his flamboyant rhetoric that included promises he could not keep, and widespread dislike of the Goods and Services Tax. (from MSN Encarta)

To keep things in perspective we should remember that although the sponsorship gongshow wasted a lot of taxpayer money, the inquiry into it is costing more than double that amount. This is a government system that Canadians have watched evolve over many years and have failed to demand better accountability and democratic mechanisms. Instead of focussing on the corruption of a minor few politicians, we should aim to correct the system that enables such abuse to occur in the first place. Today it's the Liberals, yesterday it was the Conservatives. Who's next?  | ¶ 10:29 p.m.

  problem Tom has a fancy math problem on his site today. The boys with big math brains are posting their proposed solutions to his problem, but I think it's way over my head. I'm studying for cognitive psychology and there is a good number problem in the chapter on "problem solving and creativity". It is this:

Why are these numbers arranged in this order?

8, 5, 4, 9, 1, 7, 6, 3, 2, 0

(Hint: does not require advanced math skills)  | ¶ 1:27 p.m.

  leavin on a jet plane I'm booked. Two weeks from today I'll fly home. See you on May 5th, Calgary.

In the last few days I've managed to sell all of the stuff I had advertised, except my TV stand. My mattress, carpet, dresser, mirror, lamps, television, broom/dustpan, dishrack, and trash cans have all found new homes. Actually they're still here for a few more days - I asked people to pick up stuff at the end of the month.

It's hard to explain how I feel lately, but it's something in the area of burnt out and exhausted, combined with a little apprehension, surprise and sadness. The surprise is because the last couple months went by so fast that I can't quite believe it's time to leave already. The sadness is because after eight months doing this deal, it feels like this is where my life is. I'm coming back to Calgary to family and friends, but I have to start over again with the building-a-life thing.

The extreme fatigue makes it hard to get geared up for studying. I have a lot of reading to do for Cognitive on Saturday, followed by NA-1860 on Sunday. It's going to be a tough weekend.  | ¶ 12:08 p.m.

  oops I finished my first exam. We had to "identify and give significance" for five terms. I did four and couldn't remember the fifth. So I made up a definition of the Oslo Accord. Now that I've looked it up, I know that it is definitely NOT the WWII peace treaty. Doh!

(It was a Middle East thing.)

Other than that I think I did alright. Two long essays and four well-written definitions.

I need sleep. The kids were partying hard at my building last night and kept me awake...  | ¶ 10:44 a.m.

  bad dream Since I left Calgary in the fall, I occasionally have bad dreams. My nightmare is always the same: I am back at Heenan Blaikie working for Floyd. Last night he was handing me his expenses to file an expense report. And I felt irritated with him (as usual).

What I hated most about working for that guy was his obsession for controlling every little detail, no matter how insignificant. The guy had to review and revise everything numerous times. His time entries (for client bills), his expense reports, his every piece of minor correspondence (i.e. "please find attached document x") - not one thing was left up to me, the experienced and slightly literate legal assistant. We couldn't chance it, man.

That was why I hated working for him. He treated me like I was a useless moron, and my opinion regarding wording or formatting even the most insignificant of documents was always discounted. On the few occasions where I questioned his word selection or authority, he would look at me like don't you know your place, little lady? I learned to stop thinking and to stop having an opinion, because it wasn't needed. I learned not to advise him when I was leaving for lunch because he would always have some crisis that I was needed for. I learned that he found it unacceptable for me to be gone from my desk for longer than 5 or 10 minutes, no matter what the reason. I learned that his needs always took priority over my own life, even when I was dealing with potential family emergencies.

What the man needed was part babysitter and part indentured servant. I used to say to people, "I'm a monkey who works for a donkey".  | ¶ 3:40 p.m.

  oh, potlicker! Today is my step-father's birthday. He's a farmboy from Saskatchewan and has some very interesting farmer expressions. Another favourite is hog's nuts!

Happy Birthday, Dalt!  | ¶ 9:05 a.m.

  everything is temporary anyway... Tomorrow is my first exam. Last night I finished my last minor writing assignment, so it's all studying now. Then the big religion paper.

First up: 20th Century World. I'll be learning about Blitzkreig, McCarthyism, the Cuban Missile Crisis, the Great Leap Forward (in China, 50s and 60s...), etc. I've got a lot of reviewing to do...!

This might seem like a silly thing to observe, but yesterday it occurred to me that the good thing about the exam period is that there aren't any classes to waste your time. Most of this semester I've been struggling with trying to get my load of work done while still attending three classes every day (okay, I ended up skipping several when I was super-busy). It's good to have more free time to study and attend to various little things which help preserve sanity. Yesterday Devin and I even managed to sit in the quad just relaxing for a bit, enjoying the sunny spring day.

I also have the chance now to contemplate my next move. There has been a little bit of debate about trying to find a short-term summer job here in L'ville so I could stick around at least until the convocation ceremony on June 11. But I'm not sure about that. The realistic side of me says I should just book my plane ticket for the first week of May and get myself "home" to face reality (i.e. the bills that will be piling up).

Maybe something awesome will happen this week. Maybe my dream job will magically appear suddenly on some website I'm perusing. Or the newspaper I pick up. And then when I apply for it, they will see my resume and think, "of course! That's her!"

Yeah...  | ¶ 8:06 a.m.

  I don't have a waterbed to sell But I'm getting rid of some other stuff. I'm a little late getting to it, but I posted my signs today, and already got a call from a girl who might like my dish rack and broom and dustpan. I wasn't sure if it was silly to advertise those, but I gotta get rid of them somehow, and it seems that someone is interested.

This is my lovely poster:


Ah, the joys of moving. I'm exhausted already. I think I've been exhausted all semester - is it really over...?  | ¶ 6:35 p.m.

  the verdict, part 1 (second semester) It's a little early for this seeing as I haven't written any finals yet, but I don't have an exam in my political analysis class, and cute Bill has our final papers marked already.

He gave me 78 on the paper, minus 5 for lateness (what can you do), so 73%.
My final mark in the class is right on target at 75%. Yippee!   | ¶ 1:38 p.m.

  Hola I took the bus into "El Centro" - downtown Cancun. I am at the tourist trap "Market 28". It is pretty commercialized here, or Americanized maybe. I didn´t realize this until taking the bus the length of the "Hotel Zone" though since the Hotetur is right at the beginning of the stretch. I walked the length of the beach yesterday (and got sunburned on my back - reapply after swimming Dani!!) and it all looks the same from there (I mean the hotels). From the road, you can tell who´s spending more money and likely eating better food. The Hotetur is fine though, as mentioned, my room is right on the beach (the beach is a pretty narrow strip of sand) so I hear the waves constantly. The wind has been pretty strong since I got here so the windows rattle alot too.

My worries about overpacking were unfounded and now I find myself wishing I had more clothes to choose from. If I can find another bikini today and maybe some other summery clothes, I will purchase. This market is right across from a Walmart of all things. I´ll try not to go there though.

Anyway, don´t want to stay inside all day. It´s really nice to be able to be outside and completely warm in just a tank top.

(Oh yeah, the beach is absolutely beautiful. I made a mini-movie of the crashing waves too. :) )  | ¶ 11:55 a.m.

  poker recap, part IV A few weeks back, Scott decided to wear this fancy "fish shirt" (it had fishies on it) for his weekly poker game. He thought it would bring him luck.

But he lost that night. We haven't seen the fish shirt since.

Last week I decided to wear my own fancy shirt (with sparkles) to poker. And I won 30 bucks.

What was I thinking last night? I wore my "lucky Prague earrings" (nothing makes them lucky - I just bought them in Prague). But I didn't wear my sparkly shirt. And I lost 20 bucks.

Scott, wearing a black Ralph Lauren t-shirt, won a hundred and twenty...! (Granted, 30 of that was his buy-in money.) Guess we'll be seeing that shirt again.

At least I had cheese dip.  | ¶ 10:17 a.m.

  high-tech You know what I find funny?

Within the last few years, my music-acquiring habits have evolved to consist of downloading the songs I want, sometimes creating compilations to burn to CD, then deleting the files from my computer.

With the acquisition of my new iPod Mini, I find I'm now doing the opposite: taking my homemade CD compilations and transferring the songs back to my computer, which I will next transfer on to the iPod.

Are we going in circles...?  | ¶ 11:30 a.m.

  yeah, well, we went to Sebby's... "I could hear the waves crashing all night long..."

(That's what frou said when she called this morning from Mexico. Nice.)  | ¶ 11:18 a.m.

  school's out I found out today that my apartment has not yet been rented to anyone for May. My landlord says I can stay a couple extra days if I need to. That actually makes me feel really relieved, 'cause I finish exams on the 26th, but I have my final religion paper due on the 29th, and knowing me, that's when I'll finish it. I definitely won't be packed and ready to leave the next day.

I still haven't bought a plane ticket. I don't know what I'm doing...  | ¶ 6:10 p.m.

  Tom Cort, where are you There are a lot of people with blog sites who do not blog with sufficient frequency. See exhibits A, B, C, D, E, and F.

I know people have busy lives and demanding schedules. But damnit, people want to know what you're up to...!

When Tom doesn't blog for a few days, it concerns me. Tom usually has lots to say. What would you think if I suddenly stopped posting?  | ¶ 12:42 p.m.

  from parents smart and strong to both of us passed on frou's going to Cancun tomorrow. Woot. She's busy tonight, getting all her bikinis organized and packed. And learning the value of a peso.


(click for larger Cancun pic)
Have fun and keep us posted...!  | ¶ 8:31 p.m.

  my friend This semester has been so busy that I haven't had a lot of time to spend with Scott, but we usually make a point to go for coffee every week. Here at Bishop's there is a coffee bar (?) called the "Loft" which has nice big windows and lots of sunlight during the day, so we grab a table in the corner and settle in for a nice chat. Often these coffee "breaks" last an hour or more. Today we got laughing so hard that both of us had tears streaming down our faces.

It's good to laugh with friends.  | ¶ 7:10 p.m.

  report on student life I know you're probably wondering why I haven't really posted anything about what's going on here in L'ville lately, so I'm going to update you now.

Classes ended, but I'm still grinding out the last few assignments. I saw cute Bill today and although he acted reluctant to buy my reasons for handing in the paper late, he still accepted it, and I don't think he'll deduct late marks. My political analysis paper turned out alright, but I don't think it was the best I could do. Of course, other than Professor Manore, I am my toughest critic, so who knows.

I had a creative writing assignment due yesterday for my NA-1860 class. Yeah, a fictional writing assignment for a history class. I've chosen to write about a Canadian woman living on a farm with her two young children during World War II, while her husband is fighting in Europe. She is actually writing letters to her sister, discussing how she is coping with farm life without a man around. The hard part for her is actually when he comes home and she all of a sudden is made to feel obsolete.

We're supposed to focus on one of the course "themes", so I chose a gender conflict. My fictional woman (Gladys) writes to her sister (Lois) how frustrating she finds it to be relegated back to the kitchen and light household duties, after managing the farm independently for the years her husband (Martin) was away.

It's a bit of a fun assignment, I suppose. I'm using a mish-mash of family history to put this story together, since my mother and step-father both grew up on farms, and my father's father worked as a mechanic on the planes at the flight school in Chatham, NB. I had a few telephone conversations tonight getting some of the details. I'm even using some of the real names of these extended family members. Gladys, Lois, Martin, Frank, Clarissa: all real people, just assigned new characters in my silly project.

In other news, I still haven't made any preparations to leave town. I'm hoping to stay in L'ville for maybe a week after exams end to enjoy a bit of down time and hang out with my friends. Devin and I might take a quick trip to Montreal. I've been saying how it's too bad I'm out of money because it would be nice to spend a bit of time here in the East visiting my father in Moncton and just relaxing for a bit. Alas, I must head straight West and begin the job hunt. Is is terrible that I'm not looking forward to that at all right now...?  | ¶ 11:18 p.m.

  Life of whimsy? This guy thinks alot about the questions of life...

An excerpt I like:

"...Here are two points I think are worth considering in making life trajectory decisions:

1. LIFE IS LONG. This is a subjective view on my part. But, my sense of it is that even a standard, old-style, 20th century, three-score-and-ten lifespan is a long freaking time. (Never mind how long WE're likely to live. As our extropian and biomedical scientist friends will point out: if you're alive 40 years from now, you may be facing drastically reduced opportunities to ever die of anything). But, either way, it allows for a lot of activity. A lot of room to maneuver; change course; retreat; recover. So, suppose you decide to take off for Borneo for a year. Or three. Maybe you discover a new species, maybe you write the Great South Pacific Novel, maybe you achieve satori. Or not. What's lost? A year? Whatever you were doing before will still be there. A long life, I assert, advocates for experimentation and whimsy.


2. The existentialist notion of ABSURDITY. As Camus sagely noted, there is, manifestly, no point to human existence on Earth, and we haven't been dropped here (or, rather, sprouted here) to play any particular role. Of any sort. Whatsoever. One conclusion one can draw from this is: No, it really doesn't matter all that terribly much what you do. It usually feels like it does, but it just doesn't. There IS no Cosmic Rule Book from which to deviate. One might reasonably seek to abide by Vonnegut's "Rosewater Rule" in the matter. But, other than that, it's open mic night. Knock it out. (And don't waste any more energy than necessary agonizing about it.) Absurdity, I assert, advocates for experimentation and whimsy.

See also this post.  | ¶ 11:35 a.m.

  we have the oil, so we win A new Alberta budget. With a surplus of a bazillion dollars.

John Carpay, a spokesman for The Canadian Taxpayers Federation, was also disappointed that the budget lacked tax breaks for average Albertans.

"These provincial Tories are spending on a scale that would make the federal Liberals blush," he said. "In fact, the federal Liberals are proposing more tax relief than the provincial Tories are."

There just isn't a government that will voluntarily give up the easy money of citizen tax dollars, is there. And Ralph doesn't need to; voters are a happy bunch in Alberta. We Albertans have different standards for our provincial government than we do for our federal government apparently.

Full story.  | ¶ 9:27 a.m.

  Yay, classes are over... As I sat nodding off in Cognitive class, I reminded myself that this was my LAST class at Bishop's University, EVER. And tried to feel something about it. But I didn't care much. With less than four hours of sleep, all I could think was, I need to go to bed. So now I will.  | ¶ 4:43 p.m.

  Ra! Ra! Democratic Reform! This is my opening paragraph. Lots of fluff. (I'm almost done the paper.)

Canadians are proud of their nation's great democratic history. But over the years we have seen an alarming decline in voter turnout at elections, coupled with an increased cynicism or mistrust of politicians and the political system as a whole. Sadly, the current sponsorship scandal is serving only to further erode public trust of government. There is a growing lack of engagement and civic participation on the part of Canadian citizens, who could use a reason to believe in the democratic institutions of our nation again. Even the leader of our government acknowledged in a 2004 speech something he called the “democratic deficit”, indicating a growing awareness of the challenges facing both Canadian citizens and government as a whole if our political system is to be considered legitimately democratic.  | ¶ 1:02 p.m.

  sleep is for chumps, part x+1 People, I cannot WRITE anymore. I'm sick of all the damn papers. One paper, then another paper, then another paper. What am I, some kind of novelist?!

It's official, now, too: I cannot meet a deadline. My political analysis paper was due yesterday but I have simply had no ability to sit down and concentrate the last few days. When I finally started making progress yesterday it was near midnight. So I worked 'til 2, got up at 6, and have been plodding through for a couple hours this morning. Bill's gonna kick my ass. As long as he accepts it late...

Oh, and guess what I have to do after this paper? Yup, ANOTHER PAPER. Oh, then another... kill me now...  | ¶ 8:20 a.m.

  las vacaciones? Here?  | ¶ 9:58 p.m.

  it's not my birthday ...but today I'm wearing a shirt that says, "B-day Girl (2 of 2)".

frou had them made for us (she's "1 of 2", duh) but didn't get mine to me until this week. And I like new clothes, so I'm wearing it. Go ahead and wish me Happy Birthday.
  | ¶ 9:40 a.m.

  change my luck, can't stay, going far, in a rush [Editorial disclaimer: I'm all introspective and pensive in this here "home stretch". Proceed at your own risk.]

I don't know where home is anymore, you know. I've made do all year in this little "shack" that's hardly bigger than a hotel room (with a cat!), and now that "the end is in sight", I find myself reluctant to throw away the tiny little life I've created here. I never loved Lennoxville before, and I still don't, but these past eight months have turned into something more satisfying than I ever could have imagined.

Stressful? Yes. Frustrating? Yes. Lonely? For a while.

But also busy. And productive. And stimulating. And challenging. And rewarding.

I did it. I came here with hardly a carload of stuff (that would have been hard, since I flew), not knowing a soul in town, and you know what I've come up with? A life. A degree (so close I can almost taste it). Good friends.

The silly part is how I'm just like any other graduate right now. And that is, terrified to face the real world again. What will I do? How will things be any different for me, really? What do I have to contribute? I don't even know how to look for a job with my new "credentials". I keep pulling up the classified job ads and getting completely discouraged at the options available. A B.A. qualifies me for nothing new. And I don't know what to do. Or what I want to do.

The other day I surprised myself with an outpouring of emotion and worry (poor Devin), as I expressed how I don't even know WHY I'm going back to Calgary. Other than family and friends, the city doesn't hold special appeal for me. But family and friends are important; I've missed them this year. And that's where my stuff is. But "because my stuff's there" has got to be the dumbest reason for going anywhere, don't you think.

In less than a month I'll be huddled into my next too-small space, my mother's basement (if she'll have me), crossing my fingers and hoping that something wonderful comes my way. And hoping that the chances I've taken pay off somehow.  | ¶ 9:22 p.m.

  do you even KNOW what you're talking about frou calls me today from Edmonton. She had to fly there for some ultra-exciting judicial proceedings relating to her ultra-exciting industry (that's the electricity one). She flew on one of those small commuter airlines with the planes so tiny they get their own special airports. In Edmonton, it's right downtown instead of half an hour outside the city.

me: So you don't have to go to the Poconos then?
frou: The airport's in Leduc, buddy, and it's Ponoka - but that's near Red Deer. Where's the Poconos anyway?
me: I have no idea, but it sure sounds like a good place to have an airport!

Duh?  | ¶ 8:27 p.m.

  poker recap We had a good night. Fun. I came home with more than I left with.

Devin made his famous nacho dip, so we had lots of chips. And wine. And Jell-o shooters.

Some people should have had a little more to eat and a little less to drink. This conversation made me laugh, despite my concern for my friend.

Joe* says: I don't know wnere my kets are...
Stacey says: kets?
Joe says: keys
Stacey says: heh
Joe says: I'm pretty bad right now
Stacey says: i'm worried about you
Joe says: need auir
Joe says: do't ne worried
Joe says: I'kk be fie
Joe says: fuck
Joe says: I'll be fine
Stacey says: be careful
Joe says: I'll trt
Joe says: try
Joe says: don;'t worrry about me
Stacey says: man
Stacey says: keep moving and drink water
Joe says: eyah
Joe says: outisfe is better
Joe says: going for a walk
Joe says: tyl
Joe says: see youi tomorrow
Stacey says: good night
Joe says: I can't talk, or write...
Joe says: it's really bad
Stacey says: i know
Stacey says: i'm worried about you (repeat)
Joe says: 9FON'T WORRY)
Joe says: iLL BE FINE
Joe says: H(funcking caps-l,ock)
Stacey says: ok
Joe says: I will go for a walk and it'll dop me some good. Talk to you tomorrow
Joe says: I rank way toom uch
Joe says: those jello shooters are catchi gup to me

*name changed to protect identity of drunken fool  | ¶ 1:04 a.m.

  and thusly means THUS This weekend has been devoted to getting ready to write my political analysis paper. I'm all immersed in research on democratic reform right now. I do quite enjoy this topic.

Right now I'm reading an article about whether there is too much power concentrated in the hands of the Prime Minister. The writer discusses how, compared to other Westminster-style democracies, Canada's leader does in fact seem to have less in the way of checks and balances on his authority.

There are so many things we could change to make things better (more democratic); it's annoying that I'm only going to be advocating one. My paper will at least explain the other options - for instance, Senate reform (make the positions elected instead of appointed), fixed election dates, changes to the Access to Information Act, electoral reform, more referenda, citizen initiatives for agenda items - but then I have to argue why the one I choose is the best one.

We learn in the study of politics about "incrementalism" as an effective approach to policy-making. Voters don't want radical change. So that will be my rationale for taking a "baby step" in the area of democratic reform.

Last night Devin and I watched Closer. It was different and I liked it - plus it had music by Damien Rice. We ate some nachos with cheese. And drank beer. It was a good work break.  | ¶ 9:36 a.m.

  Toys! I spent money today. Now you can see my (2.9 MB)  | ¶ 8:36 p.m.

  I found my umbrella Now I have two.  | ¶ 5:14 p.m.

  what I think I think the Liberals are going to be forced to call an election. And this time they will lose. Even if it's just a Conservative minority, the Liberals have screwed themselves out of power.

(Maybe that much is obvious)

I'm doing research on democratic reform for my political analysis class, and it makes me think that no matter which party is in control, unless we change the system, we will continue to see lack of accountability in government.

It used to piss me off when people were so quick to criticize our federal government. I would say, "could YOU do a better job?" Because I truly believed that politicians were honest men and women doing the best jobs they could within a system that they did not create. And that could still be true, to a degree.

What we need to see, though, is somebody, anybody, stepping up and saying, "That department [policy, program] was MY responsibility, and it's MY fault that things went wrong." It is pure stupidity on the part of the Liberal party to think that Canadians will go for this utter denial of knowledge coming from every person of power concerning this sponsorship gongshow.

What we also need to see is less resistance to change. Paul Martin has appointed a Minister Responsible for Democratic Reform, but change is coming way too slowly. So far they've enacted new party financing laws. I think that's it, though. The people of this country need more transparency (visibility) on the mechanisms and accountability in government. And they need it NOW.

The point of a political party is to get elected. Without the confidence of the voters, Paul and his buddies are going to miss that goal.  | ¶ 12:31 p.m.

  dill next? This school year I did something dumb. I was stingy in my spice-buying. In September I invested in a couple bottles of multi-purpose spices for cooking (Mrs. Dash and a roasted garlic and pepper blend). And almost this entire time I've been missing plain old garlic powder. I like a dash of garlic powder in my tomato soup. I like a touch of garlic powder in my mashed potatoes. But silly me, I decided that I'd spent enough on spices for the year, so I've been depriving myself. It's an odd thing to be frugal about, I know.

I was telling Devin this story recently, and, being the kind soul that he is, he showed up the other night with a present for me: a bottle of garlic powder.

And he wonders why I keep cooking meals for him...  | ¶ 8:00 p.m.

  can you believe it I'm heading into my last week of classes. I've kinda been in denial about it all; it's hard to look forward when you're so aware of all that needs to be done still.

All that needs to be done is the obvious preparing for exams and papers, but it's hitting me now that I've got a ton of other preparations to make. Buying a plane ticket (which means committing to a departure date), packing, organizing, moving on. A smaller version of what I went through last fall, but still an overwhelming task.

Hell, in the midst of all this should I also be updating my resume and doing my job search? Too much to think about.

Also, can I get some input? I think I've narrowed down my grad pic selection, but would like to hear some opinions. I've posted this one before:

But, take a look at this, too (click for image), and let me know which one you think I should go with, if you feel like voicing an opinion. Thanks!  | ¶ 4:11 p.m.

  doesn't ironical just mean ironic? Everyday lately when I get home before I open my door I have to go through a little bug-killing ritual. As in, the other day, Brad and I probably killed twenty of them that were lingering on my door. It's disgusting, because these guys are bigger than your average fly, but luckily they're slower, so we manage to mash 'em up pretty good. I hate them. I hate BUGS.

I think I'll take Tone-L's advice and let the matter of the professor harshness go. It really pissed me off; and the other thing is that it adds a little anxiety for my final mark. I keep a running tally of how I'm doing in all my classes to date so I know where I sit heading into finals. In this class I've only got 24.5 marks out of a possible 45 so far. We have another "creative writing" assignment to do worth 15 marks, another debate worth 5, then the final, worth 30. So I guess my strategy will be to give a lot of attention to these last few matters.

The good news is that I'm pleased with the rest of my current marks. If I study relatively hard for my final exams, and perform to my usual standards on my two final papers, I should be able to come out with marks above 75 in most classes. That's not quite the 80 I was striving for at the beginning of the semester, but let's face it, this semester has been tough, and I'm not superwoman (bet you didn't know that, huh).

Today I got a letter from the school addressed "Dear Probable Graduate". Which reminded me that I better order some grad pictures. I also have this crazy thought that I maybe do want to come back for the convocation ceremony in June. It's a bit of an unrealistic dream, though, given that I'll have to come up with more cash to afford to fly back down this way after being in Calgary for only a month and will still likely be rather destitute. Who knew I'd have friends that I'd want to come back and celebrate with?

But I do, you know.  | ¶ 3:50 p.m.

  This is a test of the emergency blog system See?  | ¶ 3:00 p.m.

  ouch This afternoon in NA-1860 we got our term papers back as well. Dr. Manore judges pretty harshly for a first-year class, I think. I say that because my other teachers have been a lot more encouraging of my writing, even when I didn't think my stuff was that good. She said, "you write well, for the most part". Sounds a bit like a compliment, I guess. But that's about as nice as she gets.

I even get accused of using "Canadian patriotic rhetoric". Because I made the point that Canada had "jumped in with both feet" (to the war), while Mexico didn't. Just because there are exceptions (i.e. the minority populations of Canada either disagreed or were discriminated against) to that doesn't make it less true. When you research the limited role of Mexico in the war, you see that as a nation, Canada WAS way more involved. It's not just rhetoric, lady.

Anyway, she gave me 17 out of 25, which is already a 68% to begin with. But then she deducted 5 marks for lateness, and I'm down to 12, giving me a not-so-impressive 48%. No mercy from this lady. I'm debating going to visit her and expressing my concerns, but at the same time I know that I deserved to have those marks taken off. It's just that most teachers usually talk about late penalties, but in practice they show a little compassion. I'm not really sure why she has to be so rigid. GRR.  | ¶ 6:01 p.m.

  More 85s... sheesh I got back my Prague paper. He gave me 85. Sweet.

He did deduct some late marks, though, so I'm down to 70. Not bad, considering his official late policy is to deduct 10% per day, and my paper was an entire week late. He made a note on my paper that this was as "soft" as he could go. I'm okay with that. His comments:

"Very clear and well-constructed, and you ask and largely answer some pertinent questions. Perhaps a bit too much on the early years, so that treatment of 1968 gets rushed, but the analysis of the 1940s / 50s is very well done."

He's totally right on that point. By the time I had written what I felt was the important history, I had kind of run out of steam and enthusiasm, so I did sorta rush through the rest. Oh well. It's all good.  | ¶ 10:38 a.m.

  sad (def.): when, three days after your birthday party, you're still dragging your ass. Syn. pathetic, lightweight, over-the-hill.  | ¶ 7:47 p.m.

  odd, odd I was fairly positive that I had failed (and failed badly) my Modern Government midterm on St. P's Day. I wrote a bunch of, umm, bullshit, and on top of that, my answers were really, really short.

This was an essay-writing exam. Some kids got a second exam booklet to contain their answers. I wrote three pages in total - not even HALF of an exam booklet. I think Bill gave me some sympathy marks or something. I got a 74, which is actually higher than my first midterm in this class. Who knew, eh. This relieves some of the pressure for the final, at least.

Guess I still rock the house...  | ¶ 2:17 p.m.

  man, she's awesome "...you suddenly stopped, your face very close to mine, and you leaned in and pressed your nose to my cheek. We stayed in that position for several spectacular seconds, a hesitation that altered history, a moment so intimate it felt like it could end wars."

That's Dooce, talking about her daughter.  | ¶ 11:48 p.m.

  I rock the house Cognitive term paper: 85%

Eighty-five percent!

Dr. Standing likes my writing. His comments:
"Excellent writing!"
and
"The paper is informative and interesting to read. Also, the writing style shows real talent."

Cool, man. I was needing some positive reinforcement for my recent efforts.  | ¶ 4:46 p.m.

  birthday party wrap-up Nick has put together an awesome video from the party last night - with music and everything. There's a fun clip of everybody singing happy birthday to Scott and me and then us blowing out the candles on our cake. Devin made us a yummy chocolate cake.

The party was a smashing success and I think everybody had an excellent night. We drank lots and wore party hats. I also wore blue eye shadow. I think that made all the difference.

Here's a shot of Devin and me (taken with Scott's camera-phone).

Thank you to everybody who called, sent email, sent e-cards, and came to the party. I think my mailman took Friday off, so I haven't received any snail-mail yet. My 31st year has started well. Or is this my 32nd..?  | ¶ 11:59 p.m.

  birthday bash updates Tonight Scott is taking shots with his camera-phone and uploading them to his site in real time. You can monitor our party activities here: flickr  | ¶ 8:57 p.m.

  the day is here
(to frou)
(and me)  | ¶ 1:02 a.m.

  woo hoo In honour of birthday weekend, I have put some birthday cupcakes over there -->  | ¶ 5:03 p.m.

  are you serious Tom Delay is stirring shit up again:

"We will look at an arrogant, out-of-control, unaccountable judiciary that thumbed their nose at Congress and the president."

...what he's saying is that he believes that the President and congress should have greater power than the courts in interpreting the law. Right. That's what we want: George with unlimited power. If that's what he wants, maybe they should tear up their constitution and start fresh with a dictatorship.

"Out-of-control jucidiary"?? Apparently this man does not understand the purpose of having an independent court.  | ¶ 10:31 a.m.